Tonightless
by My-Intoxication
Summary: ryan & troy deal with the stress & confusion of their teenage years & sexuality. slash TroyxRyan.Rated M for some 'mature' things that will happen in the story.
1. Feelings

**Chapter 1: Feelings**

Troy's P.O.V.

Did you ever feel guilty about being fed up with your life? I have. I've got a great life--popularity, good grades, awesome friends, a beautiful girlfriend that I love...I get everything I want--well, except for a decent home life. My parents divorced, and I feel like it was all my fault. My dad wanted me to quit drama club to play basketball, and my mom wanted me to quit basketball to be in the drama club. They didn't realize that I could do both--and I _wanted_ to do both. But, it's too late. I've already ruined their lives.

And now, I'm fed up with everything. Being perfect in school--grades, drama club, and basketball--plus keeping my parents, friends, and girlfriend happy, has cast a huge shadow of stress over my mind, and I don't know what to do. I wish someone could just come into my life in a totally unexpected way, and make all my big problems just...disappear.

Ryan's P.O.V.

It's 2 a.m. and all I can do is lay awake and stare at the darkness that covers my ceiling. All I can think about is him. I wish he could know how much he means to me-how long I've loved him, and how long I've kept my feelings for him a secret. I sometimes wonder if he knows-if everyone knows, but I realize that they don't. Only Sharpay knows I'm gay, and even _she_ doesn't know that I've been in love with Troy since middle school.

I wish people could understand me, so then maybe they could help me understand myself. I also wish I could understand other people-the people that surround me everyday in these crowded halls. Everyone seems so sure--sure of themselves--while I'm stuck on the other side of the brick wall that keeps me blocked from sanity, humanity, and happiness. I wonder if anyone else could possibly feel this way...

"Dad, I'm leaving for school" I say as I walk downstairs.

"Alright.Don't forget morning practice and free period workout. I'm gonna start working you guys extra hard."

"K. Later." I walked out the door with basically nothing on my mind. Then, about halfway to school, it dawned on me- I had rehearsal for drama club during free period. I wouldn't see my dad until morning practice, and I was afraid to tell him, because then he'd just get in another fight with Ms. Darbus.

So, I was standing at my locker, getting my books for 1st period, contemplating what I should do. Then, I felt it. Do you ever get the feeling that you're being watched? I looked, and out of the corner of my eye, I saw Ryan staring at me. We made eye contact, then he quickly looked away. But, I could see a small grin on his face.

"...Ok...officially freaked out..." I said to myself.

"About what?" Chad said as he appeared out of nowhere. "Oh...uh...nothing.." I said, startled.

The bell rang, so we went to first hour Chemistry-great, just what I needed. I sat down with Chad, looking at the door and waiting for Gabriella to walk in. She did walk in, and Ryan was right behind her. She was walking over to me with a huge smile on her face, but I looked past her at that awkward face Ryan was making at me. Gabriella turned to see what I was looking at, and saw Ryan. Confused, she then turned to me again and gave me a cute little kiss and when she turned to look at Ryan again, his face was kinda red...red with _anger. _Was he jealous? Why on earth would _he_ be jealous of Gabriella?

"Alright class, settle down." said Mrs. Wood as she walked in. "Time to pair up for lab partners. We're going to do a project, and it's worth 15 of your final grade.Here are the pairs I've assigned. Gabriella and Sharpay. Chad and Jason. Troy and Ryan..."

She went on, but I looked over at Ryan, and his face was buried in his book until Mrs. Wood said our names, then he shot up and looked over at me, as shocked as I was. I tried not to look as confused, surprised, and worried as I was, so I just kinda smiled at Ryan, and he had a smile as well--a huge, ear-to-ear grin. Mrs. Wood said for everone to get with their partner, and she'd pass out our lab sheets. Ryan quickly walked over to me without skipping a beat, practically tripping over himself. We just sat there next to each other with this long awkward silence hanging in the air between us. But, as awkward is it was, Ryan was still smiling. I looked at Chad, and he was happy...he got Jason for a partner--one of our best friends.

Ryan and I exchanged phone numbers and home adresses so we could meet up after school to work on our assignment.

"Who's house do you want to meet at today?" Ryan asked eagerly...still smiling.

"Umm...how about today we meet at the bridge at the edge of town to decide exactly what we're going to do for the project." I said. I sounded highly uncomfortable--and I was.

"Ok...what time?" Ryan said. _Why wouldn't he stop smiling!_

"Um.." I said shakily, "...how about 4:30?"

Ryan was _still_ smiling. "Great. See ya."

Troy's P.O.V.

What the hell just happened! I've been getting weird looks from Ryan all day, then he seemed jealous when Gabby kissed me, and now, he seems so happy that we're lab partners. Could it be that he...? No, no way...I mean, he _is_ a little strange, but that's just Sharpay rubbing off on him...nothing to worry about...

But, what if he really _is_...and he _does_...no, this can't happen! But, it is possible, I will admit. And, what if it's true! And I end up falling for him and we start dating! NO! But, if I was gay, he'd be a great catch. Those big blue eyes, messy blonde hair, smooth skin...he's got the face of an angel...wait, huh? What am I thinking! Ok, time to change my train of thought to something else...uh...basketball! Yea! Dude, Coach was right...he worked us hard today. I could barely move after practice. Also, he'd already talked to Ms. Darbus, so it was cool with him that I missed free period workout. My jersey really stinks...I'll have Mom wash it this weekend.

I wonder how Ryan would look in a basketball jersey? Probably better than he does in his 'regular' clothes...He is skinny, but I'd say he's got a nice body...Oh God! I'm thinking about him again! Stop it! Stop it! Make it stop! Oh man...what's happening?

Ryan's P.O.V.

Yes! I got Troy as a partner! Maybe this is my chance...the chance I've been waiting for for the past five years! No, he thinks I'm a total dork. Especially after today...all those looks I gave him...I hope he doesn't think something is going on! If this is my chance to get close to Troy, I can't ruin it by making him think I'm a freak!

Oh, but he already thinks that...there's only one thing I can do...make him think differently. I really want him to like me. I want him to know about all these years of feelings I've been hiding. He deserves to know! If this partnership in Chemistry grows into anything more, maybe we'll create some Chemistry of our own, and I'll tell him how I feel. Hopefully, he'll feel the same way, too.


	2. Chemistry

**Chapter 2: Chemistry**

I looked over at the cars passing under the bridge. I forgot I was sitting there until just then, and at that moment I heard, in an excited voice, "Hey, Troy. Ready to get our Science on?" He laughed, and I looked up at him--laughing and smiling, and he looked gorgeous. All I could do was laugh, too. We were working for probably half an hour on trying to decide what to do our project on.

We were sitting down next to each other, leaning against the railing of the bridge, and I was moving my hand down to scratch an itch on my leg, and my hand hit Ryan's knee. For some reason I could not think of, I left it there, and suddenly, the itch on my leg went away. Ryan looked at me in a surprised, yet understanding way, then he looked down at my hand, which he covered with his own. I didn't know what to think, and I wondered what he was thinking.

Suddenly, reality hit us both, and we jerked our hands away and buried our faces in our Chemistry books. Neither of us said a word for about ten minutes, then Ryan broke the silence.

"Umm...do you think that was weird?"

"Yeah..." I said, kinda laughing, hoping it would break the mood. But it didn't.

Ryan smiled and said,"Well, just so you know, you put _your_ hand on _my_ knee."

I replied "And just so you know, you put _your_ hand on _my_ hand."

We both laughed for a few seconds, then there was another awkward silence.

"We should go home" I said."Want me to walk you?"

"Yeah" said Ryan.

So we picked up our books and started walking. I didn't know where Ryan lived, so I just assumed that he was leading me there.

As we were walking, I was trying to think of something to say. It looked like he was doing the same.

"Wow, Drama Club has settled down now that the musical is over." I managed to say.

"Yeah...it has.." Ryan said back to me.

After another short moment of silence, I said "Are you still mad at me for beating you for the role?"

"Huh? No, not at all...it's all good...you're officially forgiven." He said, and smiled, hiding a small laugh behind his face.

I smiled, too. "Good..." I said back.

Just then, I noticed that we were walking kinda close, then Ryan slowly moved his hand towards mine, and without thinking, I entwined my fingers with his. For some reason, it felt so...right...

We got to his house, and I walked him to the door, where we were standing in front of each other, still holding hands. Ryan looked at the door and said "Well, I'm home."

That was a signal for me to let go of his hand, but it only made me grip it tighter. He then moved in a little closer to me, returning the signal I was sending. We just looked at each other, and I knew that we were both confused about what was happening. Just then, Sharpay opened the door and Ryan immediately shot back and our hands dropped. Sharpay looked at us in a way as if to say _'what the hell?' _But she said "Ryan, are you coming in? Dinner's ready."

"Uh...yea, in a sec..." he said. Sharpay walked off, leaving the door open, and Ryan waved good-bye and walked in, and I began walking off. It hurt my heart so bad that he didn't kiss me...that he didn't _get_ to kiss me. And somehow, I knew it hurt him, too.

"Ryan, you're late for dinner!"

"I know, sorry Mom. Troy and I were studying."

"Yeah...studying each other's eyes!" Sharpay snickered. I shot her a look of disgust and disappointment, but she just returned the look and went on eating.

I sat there at the table, pretending to eat, but I was really just looking off into the distance, thinking about what happened...what _almost _happened, and what I hope Troy _wanted_ to happen just as much as I did.

Troy's P.O.V.

I couldn't eat when I got home, so now I'm just sitting here in my room, wondering what just happened. It was amazing while it was happening...while I was caught up in the moment. But now that I think about it...I'm not sure. I mean, Ryan's great and everything, but I never would have thought I'd ever want to kiss him! And just fifteen minutes ago, he was about two inches away from kissing _me_! Maybe I just need to sleep this off...

...but it's only 7:30...I'll never fall asleep now...

Ryan's P.O.V.

Wow...that's the only word that could possibly begin to describe what just happened an hour ago. I really enjoyed spending time with Troy, and I can't wait to see him again. But, I'm scared that he doesn't feel the same. What if he tries to avoid me? What if he asks Mrs. Wood to change partners so he won't have to talk to me?

On the other hand, what if he enjoyed it as much as I did, and he can't wait to see me tomorrow!

...I'll just have to wait and see...


	3. The Next Day

**Chapter 3: The Next Day**

The doorbell rang, and I rushed to it after spending an hour and a half getting ready for school. I opened the door and there stood Ryan, smiling, just like always, at me. "Hey.You ready to go?" he asked."Yeah, let's go." and when I closed the door behind me, Ryan stuck out his hand, and I took it, and we walked to school hand in hand and didn't let go until we got to the front door of the school building. I don't think we even acknowledged the fact that we were holding hands.

At the door, we separated and waved good-bye as he went to his locker and I went to mine. When I got there, Chad was waiting for me. "Hey dude, how's it goin'?" he asked. "Alright" I said lazily. Chad looked worried and confused. "What's wrong, man?" "Uh, nothing." I said, staring blankly at my locker. "K...whatever. So, ready for practice today? Coach said we'll be sweatin' buckets."

Chad went on about basketball, but I wasn't listening. The truth is, I didn't really care. I was still thinking about Ryan. I stood there, picturing Ryan-gorgeous smile, big sexy blue eyes, and every other part of his amazing face. I started smiling and Chad stopped talking right in mid-sentence and said "Dude, what are you smiling about?" Still smiling, I said "...Nothing..." Chad raised an eyebrow at me. "Ok, whatever dude. You're freaking me out today. Something's wrong."

He walked off. I closed my locker and turned around, only to see Ryan. A huge grin was suddenly slapped across my face. But, the smile was soon erased, because I realized what's going on. Ryan is changing me--turning me gay! And I'm falling in love with him!

"Hey Troy" he said with a smile as he took my hand. I looked around to make sure no one wasthere...no onecould see us. Ryan noticed the questioning look on my face. "What's the matter?" he asked, concerned. "Nothing, I'm fine. Promise." I lied. "Ok. Well, I was just wondering if you wanted to ditch during lunch and take the rest of the day off with me." he said. I don't know why, but time with Ryan seemed like a good idea, and I suddenly felt better, and forgot what was even wrong. So I smiled and squeezed his hand and said "Sounds good. But for now, let's get to class."

The time crept by slowly as I watched the clock, waiting for the first half of the day to end. I couldn't wait to ditch and be with Ryan. There was something about him--I couldn't pin point it, but I was sure it was there, somewhere beneath that glowing surface. And that something-whatever it was-made me feel that, for once, it's all okay. Life is okay. _I'm_ okay. And when he wraps his arm around my shoulder, it's like a blanket of protection, and I'm safe from harm.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity wrapped up in only a few hours, the lunch bell rang, and it was time for me to be with Ryan. I hurry to my locker as fast as I can, throw my books in, and try to find Ryan. I see him, walk over to him, and we sneak out the back door, and I've never felt more careless or free in my entire life.

As soon as we wereoutside, we shouted "YESS! FREE!" We laughed and started walking in whatever direction towards whatever came our way. We both knew we needed to talk, but neither of us wanted to ruin a fun day away from school. We slowed down and began walking a little closer to each other, and I took Ryan's hand, and once again, it all seemed so right.

"Okay.." Ryan said. "We both know that we need to talk about this." With a sigh, I replied "Right...yeah, I know." Ryan stopped and stood in front of me, still holding my hand. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, swallowed hard, and said "Troy, I'm gay. I've known since middle school. Please tell me you haven't been messin' with my mind..._please_ tell me you're okay with it." I wanted to say _"Yes, I'm okay with it, because I'm gay too. You turned me gay..." _But I just couldn't do it...I wasn't 100sure yet. "I...I'm not sure...I'm not sure about anything yet, except that I really love spending time with you." is what I could manage to say. "...Same here..." he said back to me.

At that point we were at the park, sitting on a small piece of wood beside the basketball court. Of course, I had my basketball with me, and I was more than desperate to break the mood.

I spun the ball on one finger and said "How about a little one-on-one?" with an evil grin sperad across my face. "Oh no" Ryan said. "I'm not multi-talented like you...I can't do theater _and_ basketball." "It's okay" I said. "..I'll show you."

For the next half hour, I was teaching Ryan the basics of basketball--dribbling, shooting, passing, etc. We were really having fun, but we had to stop because we were both out of breath. We stood there in front of each other, panting on each other's faces. Then, I noticed Ryan moving closer to me. I carelessly dropped the basketball and let it bounce and roll away. The next thing I knew, Ryan's hands were cupping my chin, and he leaned in and kissed me. He wet my lips with his tongue, begging for entrance. I opened my mouth and let his tongue dart in, and thought to myself, "Entrance Accepted..." The kiss was long and hard, and practically bruised my lips. He was blunt, but at the same time, gentle, and when he pulled away slowly, the kiss left me weak with a mad wanting of more. In my heart, I was enjoying it all, but my brain told me different. My brain wouldn't let me accept the fact that I was, from there on, gay, and it was all Ryan's fault. My heart told me it was a good thing. My mind said it to be a bad thing. A part of me told me to let go of Ryan, but another part told me to embrace him forever. I didn't know what to do, and luckily, Ryan eased his lips slowly away from mine, and leaned his forehead on mine.

I had to say something. "I'm having a lot of fun. This is really great...you're great, and I love spending time with you. But, I dont know if it's good or bad." "You don't know if _what_ is good or bad!" Ryan asked. "This! You!" I said kind of angrily. "You're turning me gay, and I don't know whether or not to accept it!"

Ryan looked sad. "It's not the question of whether to accept it or not. You've got to accept it! The question is _how_ you're going to accept it." I felt like he completely understood me. "Look, Troy. I've been there. I know what it's like." he said. "Yeah, I know." I said. I looked up at Ryan and the layer of tears welled up in his eyes made those bright blue puddles appear more beautiful than ever before. "Will you help me?" I asked. A single tear trickled down his face as he said "Of course...I'm here for you...always."

In the heat of the moment, we kissed again. This kiss was much softer and lighter, like I was a fragile piece of glass and he didn't want to break me. After the kiss, we hugged, then Ryan took my hand and we left. I saw the basketball, but just left it there. I didn't care--basketball was the furthest thing from my mind at that particular moment. Ryan walked me home, gave me a kiss at the door, and promised to call me later.

* * *

Troy's P.O.V.

I know I shouldn't be so happy and excited about what just happend, but I'm so glad about how close Ryan and I are becoming. He is such a genuine person, and he makes me happy. I never thought I'd go through this in any point in my life. But, now that I am, it's good to know that I've got someone to help me and guide me. Ryan is absolutely, wonderfully amazing. I've never met anyone like him. I can definitely see myself with him forever.

But, thinking about him now just makes me feel guilty about the way I treated him before all this happened. I used to murder him emotionally, and now it seems like I'm bringing him back to life. I want to save Ryan from all the pain...I want to just take it all away, so he can be with me, and be safe, and we'll be happy.

Whenever Ryan smiles, he glows, and I feel like there's another part of him showing--a part that only I can see. It's like his spirit is shining through and all because I finally treated him the way he deserved to be treated. He really is a dream come true for me, and I wish there was some way I could let him know that...

* * *

Ryan's P.O.V.

Today _has_ to be the most fun I've ever had! No one has ever made me feel like this before. Troy is so special to me. I used to think that basketball was his life, but now I can definitely tell that there's so much more to him. He's so beautiful in a raw, unknown, secret way, like he tries to hide himself, and only shows his true being with me. I can see beneath the single layer of which has made him popular and what has made peers worship him. I know what's below that surface.

I've never skipped school before, but I couldn't wait to be alone with Troy. I couldn't wait to touch him, to feel him, and for him to feel me. I've been in love with him for years, and my chance finally came. I kissed Troy, and I don't know about him, but I certainly enjoyed it. I just couldn't control myself any longer! I _had_ to kiss him! We were catching our breath after playing basketball, and he was just looking down at the concrete below us. I saw this as 'the chance', so I slowly moved closer to him, until we were breathing all over each other, then I cupped his chin in my hand, forcing him to look up at me. I felt his smooth, soft skin--it was so perfect. Then, I did what I've been waiting for so long to do...I leaned in slowly, and kissed him. At first, I thought he wasn't going to kiss me back, so I moved my tongue over his lips, as if to ask _'May I please come in?' _And he parted his lips, and my tongue shot in his mouth, and he pushed it back with his own tongue. It was a crazy, insane tongue wrestling match. I moved my hands so my fingers were tangling in his cute, messy hair. He let his hands sit on my waist, then roam all over my back. It was the most romantic moment of my life, shared with the love of my life, and I thought I could've died right then and there. But, luckily, I didn't, and Troy walked me home. And now I've got to call him.


	4. The Call, the Speech, and the Confession

A/N: Ok, I've gotten some reviews on chapter 1-3. Some people think that the story is moving too fast. But, here's my explanation: the story isn't about Troy figuring out that he's gay, it's about Troy and Ryan being together. So, I wanted to get the whole 'figuring out I'm gay' and 'i love ryan'thing out of the way withing the first few chapters. I want to make sure that most of the story is about Troy and Ryan being together. so, i'm sorry if it seems like the story is moving too fast. Also, I'm sorry about changing P.O.V.'s without warning. I wanted the narrator of the story to switch back and forth from Ryan to Troy, and if you pay close attention, you can tell which is which. So, my apologies for that. I'll try to make the next chapters easier to figure out. I already have the story written up to chapter 7, and they're fairly short, so I'll get the ball rolling asap. A quick thank you to TillThatTime for helping me get started on the site..u rock! Ok, now here's the next chapter.i hope i didn't overdo it on ryan's speech in this chapter..i just wanted something really sweet and romantic.

**

* * *

Chapter 4: The Call, the Speech, and the Confession**

Ryan's P.O.V.

The phone rang four times...I was worried he wouldn't answer. I was about to hang up when I heard, a little too excitedly,

"Hello? Ryan?" I could tell it was Troy, and I could tell he was smiling.

"Yeah, hey. I told you I'd call you..." I said.

"Good thing, too...I already miss you." he said. We both sort of laughed, then there was a silence.

"Ryan," Troy said with a sigh. "I'm gay...and...it's because of you..you turned me gay."

I smiled, and started to cry a little. Troy could tell. But honestly, I didn't know what to think.

"No, don't cry...I didn't mean to-" he said, but I interrupted.

"It's okay...I'm fine." I said, calming down.

I let out a sigh, and I could hear Troy sigh, too.

"You know, Troy, we're lucky to have each other." I said.

"Yeah.." he said back "...but I consider myself the luckier one..."

I laughed, and so did he.

"Troy, my life is difficult. Everyone can see that. And before, I thought that was how my life was always going to be. I thought I was destined to be in Sharpay's shadow, alone and misunderstood. I was getting used to it, but I wanted out of it. Then, you came along. You showed me so many things that I never thought I'd be able to experience or know. When you smile, the heat from your glow wraps itself around me, and I feel warm and safe in this cold, dangerous world. And when I look into your eyes, everything...just...it all just...fits...like I'm alright. And sometimes, I'm so overcome by the light in your eyes that I forget I'm just lost in the shadows." I almost said more, but I figured that my speech was long enough and Troy could talk. And I thought to myself, _Nothing in my life had ever been harder to explain._

"...Wow..." Troy said. "...that was, uh...quite a speech." He kinda laughed a little. "That was the nicest thing I've ever heard, especially anything anyone's ever said to _me_." He really was touched by my speech. ButI could tell that he thought it was a bit much.

Sharpay stood at my door. "Ryan, Mom wants you in the kitchen." and she walked off.

Troy heard her. "Well, I guess I better let you go. I'll see you later...and I'll call you tomorrow."

"K. Bye...I love you, Troy." I said, worried what his reaction would be.

"I love you, too, Ryan." And he hung up.

I was so glad it was Friday!

* * *

Troy's P.O.V.

After Ryan and I got off the phone, I called Gabby. She seemed excited to hear from me. We hadn't talked lately.

"So, what's up? I've missed you..." she said.

"Uh...we need to talk...please don't hate me..."

There was a pause. "Oh no...you're dumping me!" I could hear her begin to cry.

"No, don't do that! Just listen. This is really difficult to talk about...it's personal."

"Oh, go ahead, I'm listening.." she said, worriedly.

"Well, I'll just come right out and say it like it is...Gabriella, I'm gay, and I'm falling in love with Ryan Evans.But honestly, I don't know if I'm really _in_ love with him, or if I just love him as caring for him a lot, like what we had. I'm confused."

Silence haunted the air. "Please say something." I pleaded.

"Well, okay then." and she hung up.

I wonder if it was a good idea to tell Gabriella. I told myself she'd understand, but I don't think she did. Ryan means so much to me, but after those two phone conversations, I can't help but think that maybe I'm rushing into things. Maybe I don't love Ryan as much as I think I do, or the way I think I do. But then again, maybe I do, and I'm just worrying too much. Right now, all I know is that I'm totally confused, and I just need some rest.


	5. Figuring Things Out

**Disclaimer: I do not own High School Musical or Disney Channel! I wish I did! lol**

**A/N:Ok, this chapter is 100 Troy. All this is just him thinking to himself, trying to figure out his feelings for Ryan. I tried to make it a little confusing, because he has a lot to think about. Like, have u ever been thinking about something, and a million thoughts are racing through your mind? Well, that's pretty much what this is. The end of this chapter may seem a little sudden, but don't worry...the ending is just another one of Troy's unsure decisions. (hint, hint) Well, enjoy! WARNING: what you are about to read gets really cheesy!**

**Chapter 5: Figuring Things Out**

Troy's P.O.V.

I'm so tired, but I cannot sleep. I'm forced to lie down and think. This thinking has made me realize that I've decided that at the moment, I have no idea how I feel about Ryan anymore. I mean, I really care for him, but all my feelings are coming at me like bullets, and right now, I'd do anything to dodge them. When Ryan said that he loves me, I said it back without thinking. I honestly don't know why I said it. With all this confusion, I feel like I should regret saying it, but I don't. Ryan still means a lot to me. Ok, I've got to figure this out.

I know 100 that I am gay. I don't yet know for sure if it was Ryan that turned me gay, or if the fact that he was there was just a coinsidense. Okay, so how do I really feel about Ryan? I know that we actually have very little in common. I mean, we both do drama, but he doesn't play basketball. According to him, his life sucks, but I _love_ my life...everything about it...even with all the stress piled on top of it all! But, then again, we do have a lot of little things in common, like favorite food, music, shows, movies, etc.

Now...next thing to figure out...how _exactly_ does Ryan make me feel? Well, when I'm not with Ryan, I'm usually thinking about him--wondering what he's doing, who he's with, what he's thinking about, if he's happy...

And when I'm with Ryan, I feel happy. No matter what the mood of the moment says, inside I'm just happy to be there with him. I know it's not because he's my friend, because I never liked being around Chad, Zeke, or Jason that much...so, what is it?

The only explanation I can find is love...I must love him in some way or another, I just need to figure out what way it is. _Do I think Ryan is...hot?...sexy?...cute?_...how about all of the above! Yes, definitely that last one.

So, I'm attracted to him. _Does my heart beat faster when I'm with him or think about him?...does it beat slower?..._yea, both of those, too. _Have I had any kind of dreams about him?_ Well, no, not really.

This still makes no sense to me! At this point, all I'm doing is laying on my bed, staring at the ceiling, and wondering why I'm not in a straight jacket yet!

Ok, so suppose that I _am_ in love with Ryan...what do I love about him? Physically, his eyes. They're hypnotic...they draw me in so quickly without warning, and I lose myself in them, never wanting to find my way back out. His smile. So bright and blinding. When he smiles on stage, it's so fake, like he had to draw it on his face. But when he smiles for me, I can feel the sense of reality pouring out of his lips, and I can tell by the simplest curl at the corner of his mouth that the smile is genuine. His skin. Soft, warm, and welcoming. Yet, I can tell when I touch it that it's recovered. And underneath that surface layer, there's rips, tears, bruises and scars that have yet to be mended.

So, have I made a decision? When I sum it all up, it seems apparant that I love him...I'm _in_ love with him, but it's too hard to just admit. I wish that someone could tell me how I feel, so I wouldn't have to think for myself. I could have a guardian angel to tell me that I do love Ryan, and we could spend the rest of our lives together...happy, and carefree, because my decisions were made for me. Or, my guardian angel could tell me that I _don't_ love Ryan, and I could tell him, and I'd live forever trying to find the one I do love. If you ask me...well, if I ask myself, the first one seems better. So, I'll just lie here on my bed and wait for my guardian angel to come down and tell me the truth...tell me so I won't have to tell myself. But, as I shake that feeling off, I realize that I _have_ my guardian angel already...the most beautiful angel I've ever seen...and that angel's name is Ryan.

Ok, so here it is. My decision. It seems as though I've been right all along...I am in love with Ryan.


	6. Love Burns Brighter than Sunshine

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I DO NOT own High School Musical, the characters, or Disney Channel! Also, I do not own the song I put in this chapter!**

**A/N: Ok, I hope you like this chapter! I dedicated chapter 5 to Troy, so this one's all about Ryan. I decided to do something different, and make it a song fic(the song fic is only for this chapter..maybe a few more chapters along the way). The song is "Brighter Than Sunshine" by Aqualung. I chose this particular song because it's one of my favorite love songs of all time, and the words describe pretty well what Troy and Ryan are going through...mostly, though, what Ryan's feeling. If you get the chance, you should download this song or buy the cd! It's awesome! lol k, well, enjoy chapter 6! P.S. Sorry the chapter is short...Writer's Block sucks donkey butt!**

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Chapter 6: Love Burns Brighter than Sunshine**

Wow, I told Troy I love him! And he said he loves me, too! Now, the question is, _Did he mean it as much as I did? _I hope he did, because falling in love with Troy is like being alive...the only way you can escape is to die. Being with Troy is the biggest shock of my life. I used to think I knew who I was...I had myself figured out. Then I realized I could never figure myself out, which is why I was so desperate to get out of Sharpay's shadow...so I could get to know someone, they could get to know me, and they could help me figure myself out. Well, not only has Troy helped me figure myself out, but he did it in such an unexpected way. He changed me into a simpler person so I'd be easier to understand. It's like I was a broken toy...Troy's favorite toy...and he loved me, so he fixed me so I could be with him forever.

My God, this is truly mind-blowing! After I found out I was gay, I just knew that love was meant for everyone else in this small, flat world but me. Troy telling me that he's gay and he loves me was like figuring out that maybe the world _isn't_ flat after all, and maybe the other half of my broken heart was beating beneath another person's chest instead of in a wooden box buried somewhere in the center of the earth.

_**What a feeling in my soul.**_

_**Love burns brighter than sunshine.**_

_**Let the rain fall, I don't care.**_

_**I'm your's and suddenly you're mine.**_

_**And it's brighter than sunshine.**_

The song keeps swimming through my mind, and when I close my eyes, I picture Troy on stage, singing it to me. His voice is so sweet, soft...and makes me melt in the very place I sit, in admiration as I watch him sing his heart out to me. The words I hear, I know are just for me, and no one else. Though there are hundreds of people in the audience, I am the only one who truly understands the meaning of the song Troy so beautifully sings.

_**I never saw it happening.**_

_**I'd given up and given in.**_

_**I just couldn't take the hurt again,**_

_**What a feeling...**_

I know that Troy loves me...and even if he doesn't, I'm sure he would never hurt me. Well, he'd never _mean_ to hurt me. He's not that kind of person. But, even so, I still feel like there must be something wrong, because I know that I don't deserve such perfection in my life. Troy is what perfection envies...and I am the essence of imperfection. Troy is attacking me with all this love, and I feel like I should be pushing it away...I should be fighting him off before I get hurt, but I can't! I won't! He's too deep in my heart now for me to pull him out and push him away. As wrong as it may be, this feeling, warm in my heart, feels so right.

_**I didn't have the strength to fight.**_

_**Suddenly you seemed so right.**_

_**Me and you...**_

_**What a feeling...**_

I cannot shake this feeling off my trembling skin. My entire bodyshakes when I picture Troy, and hear his perfect voice singing to me. My heart pounds and my stomach is full of knots. These painful sensations help me know for sure exactly how I feel about him...

I love Troy, and I want to be with him forever. I want to hug him forever. I want to kiss him forever. I want to hold his hand forever. I want to look into his eyes forever. I want this feeling to last forever. And ah, this feeling...what a feeling...

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I haven't been getting very many reviews, so PLEASE review! if no one reviews, i won't update, and i HOPE that no one wants that to happen! just please review, and if u all keep reviewing, i'll keep updating...well, unless i get writer's block again, then it might be a few more days...sorry! 


	7. Just Like Jack & Ennis

**Disclaimer: I do not own HSM! Also, I used a little bit of Brokeback Mountain in this chapter, and I don't own Brokeback Mountain either! (I know, it's completely shocking!) p.s. Brokeback Mountain is an awesome movie! I cried!**

**AN: Since chapter 6 was so short, this one is a little bit longer. Quite a bit happens in this chapter. Hope you like it! PLEASE REVIEW! IF I DON'T GET ENOUGH REVIEWS, I WILL QUIT UPDATING! AND WHO WANTS THAT TO HAPPEN? (hopefully, no one!) lol. Also, could u put a little more information in ur reviews, other than just 'i liked it' lol sorry, but i need constructive criticism! k, well...enjoy!**

**Chapter 7: Just Like Jack and Ennis**

Troy's P.O.V.

The morning after my 'deep thinking'...I knew I had to call Ryan. I slowly picked up the phone, and let it ring three times. No one answered. I almost hung up, but I heard a click in the middle of the fourth ring.

"Hello?" I heard a soft voice say.

"Ryan? It's Troy."

"Oh, hi..." Ryan replied.

"Yea, uh...hi...can you come over?" I asked.

"Umm..sure...I'll be there in about 20 minutes." Ryan said.

"K. See ya in a bit." I said, and hung up.

For about five minutes, I sat on my bed, just waiting. Then I realized, RYAN'S COMING OVER! I LOOK LIKE SHIT! I hurried into my bathroom and brushed my hair, and put on deodorant and cologne. My clothes were fine...

I straightened up my room a little...picked up socks and put them in my drawer...put away magazines...

That took ten minutes..._Ryan will be here in about five minutes_, I told myself. I really needed to talk to him...I just hope he'll let me explain EVERYTHING before he goes psycho on me.

The doorbell rang. I tried to rush down the stairs to answer, but when I got halfway down, I heard my dad's voice. I got to the door, and he let Ryan in.

"Troy, your friend's here to see you." My dad said, and walked off into his den. _Thank God!_

"Thanks, Dad." I said as he walked off.

Without saying anything, Ryan and I walked upstairs to my room. I let Ryan in, and I closed my door behind me. Ryan just stood in the middle of the floor, and I sat on my bed, motioning for him to sit with me. He sat down, and still, neither of us had said a single word. I invited him because _I _needed to talk, so I decided that it was my job to break the silence.

"Ok, Ryan...we need to talk." I began, but Ryan interrupted.

"Oh God, you're backing down on me, aren't you? I knew it...I knew it was too good to be true. I should have ju-"  
"Chill, dude! It's not like that!" I practically yelled.

"Oh..." Ryan said, now blushing from embarassment.

"Ok, well, Ryan, well...remember the other day when we were talking on the phone, and when you had to go, you told me that you loved me, and I said that I love you, too?" I started...but I wasn't anywhere near done, but didn't know where to take it from there.

"Yeah..." Ryan said, confused and worried.

"Well..." I started again. I sighed, and tried to talk fast because if I talked too slow, Ryan wouldn't hear everything I needed to tell him. "...I honestly don't know why I said it...I guess it was just a reflex to say 'I love you' when someone says it to me. But, I thought about it, and-"  
"How the hell can you do this to me, you jerk!" Ryan interrupted...again. I knew he'd flip out. "You made me the happiest person in the world by making me think you loved me! How can you lie like that? How can you break someone's heart so easily!"

"Ryan, just hear me out..." I tried to explain.

"NO! I don't have to hear you out! Just leave me alone, you bastard!" he yelled right in my face.

"Ryan, please, this is important...give me ten seconds, please!" I begged.

Ryan thought about it while catching his breath. _Hey, flipping out is a real work out! _"Ok...ten seconds" he decided.

"Ok, after we got off the phone, I thought about what I said, and I tried to figure out if I really do love you, and I figured out that I do! I do, I do, I really fucking do love you so goddamn much! I thought of every physical and mental way I love you, and the list went on and on...there's no flaw in you, as far as I can see...you're perfect in my eyes, and I FUCKING LOVE YOU!" I was almost crying. I took a deep breath, and finished with "And I'm sorry I said it before I was really sure..."

Ryan just stared blankly at me...I couldn't tell what he was thinking. "Ryan...say something..." I pleaded. He had a blank look on his face, so I couldn't tell if he was still pissed, or ready to accept my apology.

"You know..." Ryan started, "That was a hell of a lot longer than ten seconds." he smiled, and leaned in to hug me. As we embraced, I apologized over and over again, until he said "Ok, ok, if I kiss you, will you take it as an apology accepted, and shut the hell up?"

We both laughed, and I said "...fair enough..." and we attacked each other, Ryan's mouth pushing hard against mine, practically bruising my lips.

Everything was okay again. I was glad that Ryan can forgive and forget so easily.

Right after we pulled away from the kiss, my dad knocked on the door and said "You boys ready to come down for some lunch?"

We looked at my clock. It was 12:30. We had been sitting in my room for an hour. It hadn't seemed that long.

"Yeah, we'll be down in a sec." I said to my bedroom door.

I stood up, looked down at Ryan who was still sitting down, and I said "Hungry?"

Ryan stood up, too, and said "Yeah...but we don't have to go downstairs to get what I'm hungry for..." Ryan smirked, and I reached over to my pillows, grabbed one, and smacked him in the face with it.

We went downstairs to the kitchen. My dad made us burgers. We ate some, then Ryan whispered to me, _Wanna go for a walk?_

I nodded, and told my dad. "Hey, dad, Ryan and I are going for a walk. We'll be back around 2 or 3, k?"

"Alrighty, champ. Don't get into trouble." my dad hollered as Ryan and I walked out the door.

Ryan and I began walking down the sidewalk, not going anywhere in particular. We walked in silence for a moment, then Ryan grabbed my hand and laced it with his, and I said, "So, I'm officially forgiven?"

Ryan smiled, stopped walking, and turned to face me. He didn't say one word. He just looked into my eyes, and I looked back into his. God, he's so fucking gorgeous! Ryan moved his free hand up to me and gently placed it on the side of my face. I closed my eyes and sighed at the feel of him touching me. Ryan then moved his hand down to my chin, and moved my face in closer to his. He tilted his head, and placed a soft kiss on my lips...then another...and another...and another, until we were placing hundreds of little pecks all over each other's faces. Ryan grabbed a handful of my hair, and pulled me closer, and we embraced in a hypnotizing kiss that left me weak in the knees, and I helplessly fell in towards him, wrapping my arms around him for two reasons: one, because I love touching him, and two, because it was all I could do to keep from falling to the sidewalk underneath us.

The kiss lasted for a good minute or two, then we stopped, pulled away, and Ryan said "Yes...you're officially forgiven." We both smiled, joined hands again, and continued walking.

The walk ended up being the walk back to his place, and we kissed good-bye at the door, and I watched him walk in, and I didn't start walking away until the door was completely shut behind him.

I walked home, and when I got inside, I looked at my dad, reading a newspaper, then I looked at the clock, which said 1:53. I just walked up to my room and watched a movie..._Brokeback Mountain. _I honestly couldn't wait to see it. I mean, how many other gay love tragedies are out there in Hollywood?

The sex scene in the tent made me think of Ryan, and I pictured that I was Ennis and Ryan was Jack. In doing so, I got really hard, and there was only one thing I could do. I licked the palm of my hand, then slowly slid it down in my pants, and closed my eyes while I stroked myself, and pictured Ryan and I acting out the love scene from the movie. I made soft moans, and bit my lip to avoid screaming his name, but I couldn't stop myself. As quietly as I could manage, I repeated "Ryan...oh...oh, god Ryan...Ryan...Ryan.." over and over again. His name just seemed to roll off my tongue so naturally.

As the climax hit me like a ton of bricks, I got a kleenex, wiped myself clean, and watched the rest of the movie, rewinding scenes with the two of them together...they reminded me of myself and my love...

With all my rewinding and pausing, it took me over three hours to finish the movie. It was 5:15, so I decided to check my email, eat dinner, and take a shower. By the time all that was done, the clock read 5:45. _Damn, without Ryan here, time crept by so fucking slowly!_

I went downstairs to my father's den, and we talked about everything; basketball, girls, movies, music, food, more basketball, more girls, basketball...you get the point. I brought up mom, and my dad snapped at me. "When she get's back from vacation, you'll be able to see her on weekends again...that's it...don't talk about her..."

So, I dropped it, and looked at the clock. We were talking for hours, because it was just past 9. Finally, an appropriate time to go to bed! "Well, I'm gonna call it a night." I said to my dad. I walked over to him and hugged him good-night.

As I fell asleep, the last thing I thought of was Ryan...how beautiful he is, how much I love him...how lucky I am...

Ryan's P.O.V.

I just got back from hanging out with Troy. Shar is continuing to give me the third degree for not telling her before I went out...but I don't give a damn...

Shar and I fight for about an hour before Dad gets home with Mom right behind him. I see them laughing...they look so happy...they're the happiest couple I've ever seen. I hope I can make Troy as happy as my mom makes my dad...

Noticing that mom and dad were home, Sharpay stopped nagging long enough for me to turn around and go upstairs to my room. I just layed on my bed with the radio on for a while, thinking about Troy. It seemed like I'd been laying there for a long time, so I looked at the clock, and it was past 7. I went downstairs and ate some leftover spaghetti, went back upstairs for a quick shower, and decided to watch a movie. For some reason, _Brokeback Mountain _seemed like the perfect movie to watch at the time.

I popped in the DVD, and as I watched it, I cried, just like I always do. Ennis and Jack reminded me of myself and Troy. Thinking of this, I grew tired and began to drift off, just as Sharpay barged in to chew me out some more, but she just turned off the tv and pulled the covers over me. In my last bit of waking moment, I thought about Troy. I pictured him in my mind, and said, in a light whisper, _I love you, my angel...my sweet Troy._


	8. Dreams

**Disclaimer: I do not own HSM! I know...it's sad...**

**AN: Ok, this chapter is called "Dreams" because they're about dreams that ryan and troy have after they fall asleep at the end of chapter 7. The last thing troy thought about when he went to sleep was ryan...the last thing ryan thought about before he went to sleep was troy...so they dream about each other...i don't know about you, but that makes sense to me! enjoy!PLEASE REVIEW!**

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Chapter 8: Dreams**

Ryan's Dream

I was lying in bed after helping my mom in the kitchen. My eyes were closed, and I was thinking about Troy. Then, I opened my eyes, and he was outside my bedroom window. I opened it, and let him in. We stood there in the dark, barely able to see each other. We were silent. We both knew that words wouldn't help the moment, they'd only ruin it. Troy leaned in and kissed me hard. We walked over to the bed and sat there. Troy took off his shirt, then mine. Then, he stood up and took off his pants and boxers. Then he pushed me down so I was laying on my bed, and he tugged off my pajama pants. There we were, naked on my bed, and he was on top of me. He kissed me again, and I tangled my fingers in his hair, then moved him down and pressed my hands against his back so he'd never get away. He let his hands roam all over my chest, and with his thumb, he played with my nipple, teasing me, and I moaned. Then Troy moved down, kissing my chest, my nipples, then down to my stomach, and he licked my belly button. I moaned again. Then he came back up to my face and kissed me lightly. He sat up and quickly spun me around so I was on my stomace. He layed down on top of me and I could feel him hard against me. He kissed the back of my neck, then sat up, and grabbed my hips and lifted them up. I took that as a signal to get on my hands and knees. He still had his hands on my hips, and he leaned over so his lips were just touching my ear, and he softly whispered, "I love you."

Then, he sat back up, gripped my hips tight, and pulled me back towards him, and I could feel him inside me. I moaned and panted loudly, as did he. He moved me back and forth, slowly at first, but sped up, clenching my hips tighter. Then he let my hips go, and he began moving his own hips back and forth at a slightly quicker pace, and we were both practically screaming each other's names. He slowed down until he got to a slow and comfortable speed, and kept going until we both came, then he slowed down even more, continually, until he stopped, even though neither one of us wanted him to. I collapsed down on my bed, face buried in my pillow, and he collapsed on top of me. He rolled off of me and I turned and looked at him and said in a light whisper "I love you, too."

Never in my life was I more angry to wake up.

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Troy's Dream

After I got off the phone with Gabriella, I went for a walk. I decided to go to the basketball court in the park--where Ryan and I shared our first kiss together. I saw my basketball in the grass. I could tell it was mine because it had my initials on it. I picked it up and decided to shoot some hoops. After about two minutes, I heard a soft "Hey." I turned around, and there stood Ryan. I walked over to him and attacked him with my lips, kissing him all over. We were going crazy. We walked over to the grass and layed down, still all over each other. We ripped each other's clothes off until we were naked. Ryan was on top of me now. He kissed and licked all over my chest and stomach, then he went lower...he was giving me a blow job! I arched my back and raised my hips as I moaned. My hands tangled in his hair as I moved his head back and forth to _my_ pace. I kept moaning and screaming his name, and I tilted my head back, arched my back even more, and moved my hips furiously, trying to get away, but terribly unsuccessful. Ryan grabbed my hips so I couldn't be let go. I was glad he did, because moments later, I came, and moaned one more time, panting afterwards. I whispered, between gasps for air, "Ryan...oh, Ryan...inside me...inside me, now...please..."

And Ryan turned me over by my hips, and I was on my hands and knees. Immediately, he was inside me, pushing as hard as he could. I moved back and forth at his speed--opposite the way he was moving-so he would be pushed inside me even harder and deeper. I came, and it was white-hot and blinding and I felt dizzy. It was against my own will, though, because he came, too, and that meant that we had to stop and recover.

Right then, I could hear my mother's voice. "Troy...Troy, wake up."

I angrily came out of my perfect fantasy. It was already Saturday, and it was 1:00 in the afternoon. I got up and took a cold shower.

While standing in the shower, I thought about the dream. Was that really how I feel about Ryan?

Just after I got out of the shower, Ryan called. I walked into my room in a towel and answered the phoe, glad to hear that touch but sweet voice say "Hey Troy. What's up?"

"Oh, nothing." I said. "...just got out of the shower. You?"

"Nothin'" he replied.

I wanted to tell Ryan about my dream, but I didn't know what he'd think. Breaking my train of thought, Ryan said "You know, I'm the only one home right now..." It was too perfect.

"Really?" I said, excited.

"Yep...wanna come over?"

"Duh!" I said. I told him I'd be there in a few minutes, then I hung up and got ready.

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Troy's P.O.V.

Wow...what a dream that was! It felt so real! I wish it was real. I want to make love to Ryan, and I want him to make love to me. I hope it'll happen while I'm at his house!

It's so strange that I'm in love with him. I mean, when I was straight, I was sure that I'd never fall in love...any girl who liked me just wanted to be with me because of my popularity. I also never would've thought I'd ever be gay, but I am. And what's weird is that I turned gay because I was falling in love...with a guy. It's amazing how someone can have their entire future planned out, then one little thing happens--like a school assignment--and all your plans change.

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Ryan's P.O.V.

I'm so glad that I'm the only one home, so Troy and I can make that little fantasy I had come true! It would be amazing if Troy did all those things to me! Maybe I'll wear a t-shirt and sweats-something that'll be easy to take off.

I never would've guessed I'd be so lucky as to get someone as perfect as Troy to fall in love with me...


	9. Making Dreams Come True

**Disclaimer: I do not own High School Musical!**

**A/N: Ok, I know I'm moving this part a bit fast, but I'm trying to get this point out of the way so I can get to my next point in this story, which you will read in the next chapter...but, n e wayz, enjoy chapter 9!**

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Chapter 9: Making Dreams Come True**Ryan's P.O.V.

The doorbell rang. I answered it, knowing very well who it was. Seeing Troy, I let him in and we both just walked upstairs in silence. When we got to my room, I opened the door, let Troy in, then I shut it and locked it behind me. I thought _Just in case Mom or Sharpay come home. _I turned around and looked at Troy. He was sitting on my bed. I sat down beside him, and we faced each other. I leaned in towards Troy, and we kissed for a good fifteen seconds, then we stopped and Troy, with a smile, said "Hi."

I smiled back and said "Hi." right back to him. Troy took off his jacket, then put his hand on the back of my neck and said "I love you...so much."

I said "I know...same here..." Then as Troy leaned in, I layed down on my back and he came down on top of me. I thought, _Wow, it's really going to happen! _

My hands were on Troy's hips, and I moved them in to undo his belt and take it off. Troy sat up and took off his shirt, then his pants and boxers. He layed back down on me, then he took off my shirt for me, and I tugged off my pants and boxers. All our clothes were tossed carelessly aside, and were all over my bedroom floor. I moved up on the bed and got under the covers, bringing Troy with me. Troy got hard, and I could feel it against my stomach as we were kissing. He sat up a little and whispered "Turn around."

Without hesitation, I gladly did as he commanded, and I was on my hands and knees--just like in my dream, with Troy behind me--just like in my dream. Troy was inside me, moving slowly. He was more careful and tender than in my dream.

Knowing we were alone and would not be interrupted, I let myself go crazy. I moaned and yelled and screamed and Troy got more rough--more like in my dream. I moaned, yelled, and screamed louder, and the louder I got, the more rough he got. Pretty soon, the bed was moving and the headboard was banging against the wall. By this time, Troy and I were screaming each other's names as loud as we possibly could.

Then, just like in my dream, he slowed down, and we both came, and he stopped. We both collapsed down on the bed, catching our breath. We were just laying there, resting for about half an hour, then we were ready to go again. Only, this time, Troy got on his hands and knees, and I was behind him. It was just as intense as the first time. We were moaning and screaming so loud, the neighbors could probably hear. But, we didn't care. We kept going until we both came, and, once again, we collapsed. Only, Troy collapsed on the bed, but I accidentally slid off the side of the bed on to the floor. Troy immediately shot up, looked over and said "Oh my gosh, Ryan, are you okay!"

But I couldn't answer. All I could do was laugh. Troy laughed with me and said "I guess I'll join you down there."

"Sounds good to me." I said.

Troy got off the bed and onto the floor, laying on top of me. We were making out for about ten minutes when Troy stopped and said "God, I'm tired." he smiled, "You wore me out!"

I smiled and laughed and said "Yeah, you wore me out, too. You just couldn't get enough..."

We both laughed, then got in bed and went to sleep. Well, Troy went to sleep. I just sat there looking at him and thought about how perfect the day had gone. It was 7:30, so I figured I'd fall asleep for a few hours, and when me and Troy woke up, we'd go at it again. God, it's great to be in love!

I woke up to Sharpay's car pulling in the driveway. I looked at the clock. It was 10:30. I looked at Troy. He was asleep. I woke him up, yelling "Troy, wake up! Sharpay's home!"

He woke up and we both rushed to get our clothes on, and he went over to my window, about to crawl out, but he said "Oh, I almost forgot..." And he walked over to me and gave me a kiss. He said "Good-bye and goodnight. Today was fun." he smiled and winked, then crawled out my window. I opened my door, then ran over to my bed and sat down, trying to look like I had been sitting there for a while, and Sharpay was at my door. She looked at me with a raised eyebrow.

"...What?" I said, like nothing was going on.

"Who was here?" she asked. _How did she know!_

All I could say was "...huh...?"

She pointed to the foot of my bed, and there was Troy's jacket. _Damn!_

"Oh...uh...that's mine." I stammered.

"Really...?" Sharpay asked.

"Uh...yeah." I said. I put it on. It was too big--obviously not mine.

"Okay...whatever." Sharpay said, and walked off.


	10. My First

**Disclaimer: I do not own HSM! cries**

**AN: I've got a VERY shocking surprise for you in this chapter! And you better be friggin shocked, cuz it took me forever to come up with the ending of this stupid chapter! k, well, for once, i'm gonna keep the author's note short...REVIEW, PLZ!**

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Chapter 10: My First**

Ryan's P.O.V.

This is crazy! I had a dream that Troy and I made love to each other. Then, I called him, he came over, and we made love to each other...twice! It was amazing! I've always heard that your first time hurts and it's not very good, but this was PERFECT! I've never felt anything so wonderful in my life! I guess that part of what made it so amazing is that we waited until we were in love to have sex. I'm glad, because the wait was worth it. I wonder if I was Troy's first...? I know I'm the first _guy _he's ever made love to, but I wonder if he ever made love to any girls before he turned gay. I'll ask him the next time I see him, but now, I'm going to bed.

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Troy's P.O.V.

I can't even believe all that just happened! It was _too_ perfect! My first time wasn't too great. I had sex with Gabriella once, but we were both drunk. It was at the after party of the premier of Twinkle Town last year. The celebration got out of hand. I regret it to this day. After it happened, I decided to never have sex again until I was in love. Then, I had that sex dream about Ryan, and on the same day, we actually _did_ have sex! Well, we didn't have sex...we made love. _I am so cliche..._

Ryan didn't call me on Sunday. I guess we were both so shocked and we needed a break for the day. But I couldn't wait to see him at school on Monday! I went to my locker when I got to school, got my books for Chemistry class, and when I got to the classroom, he wasn't there yet. I sat down at my desk, staring at the door, waiting for him. Finally, he walked in and saw me, and we smiled at each other. He sat down at his desk next to me. Mrs. Woods walked in, and said "Class, it took me over a week, but I have all your projects graded, so here are your grade sheets."

When she handed Ryan our project grade sheet, we weren't surprised to see that we got an A. To congratulate each other on our success in Chemistry, we were going to kiss, but when our faces were about three inches apart, we remembered that we were at school and no one knew, so we backed off. Both of us sort of laughed.

Ryan looked nervous. He cleared his throat and said, in a whisper, "Troy, how many times have you had sex?"

I looked at him and said "Well, including Saturday...three times." Ryan looked sort of disappointed.

"I'm sorry." I said.

"It's okay...so, who was your first?" he asked.

"Gabby" I said. He didn't seem too surprised. I told him the whole story.

"What about you?" I asked.

"Oh...uh...you were my first." he said, and he sounded embarassed.

"Well, I'm glad." I said, and I smiled.

We were whispering the whole conversation, but we looked around to see if anyone heard--just in case.

"I don't thinking anyone heard." I said. "Me either.." Ryan replied.

All day long, Ryan and I were together every chance we got. At lunch, I finally noticed that Gabriella wasn't at school, but I wasn't too worried. Even if she was at school, she'd stay away from me. I just hoped she was okay.

When school let out, Ryan walked me home. I let him in so we could talk, and...uh..."stuff."

We were sitting on the couch at my house, and I was glad we were the only ones there. We began making out, and I was sort of laying down on my back and Ryan was partially on top of me. Suddenly, Ryan's hand was in my pants, and he started giving me a hand job! We stopped kissing, and I put his forehead on my chin. I moaned softly at the feeling of his hand stroking me. I couldn't take it anymore. I put my hands on his head, and tried to push it down to signal that I wanted him to give me a blow job. He got my signal, and I just layed there, enjoying the intensity of the feeling.

After a few minutes, I could hear my dad's car. I knew we should've stopped, but I didn't want to--I couldn't! It felt too _good_ to stop! I put my hand on the back of his head and moved it back and forth quickly, thinking that maybe I'd come faster. I did, and Ryan swallowed, then came back up to me, and said "I think I've tasted every last bit of you, and it all tastes so goood." We both smiled.

I heard my dad coming up the steps to the door, so I sat up, put myself back in my pants, and got my History book out.

My dad walked in and saw us, thinking we were studying.

"Hey boys, how's it goin'?"

I introduced Ryan to my dad as a friend from school. _I wasn't exactly lying. _I told my dad about the Chemistry project- about how Ryan and I were partners and we got an A.

"Eh, I'm not surprised." my dad said.

"Well, I'm going into my den...you guys continue studying. It was nice meeting you, Ryan."

"As well, Mr. Bolton." Ryan replied. And my dad began walking away.

When Dad was almost gone, Ryan whispered "I was studying Troy...can I continue studying that?" and we laughed, then went to my room.

We were sitting on my bed, not saying anything, when all of a sudden, Ryan asked me a question, and my answer made me feel guilty.

"Are you going to tell your dad that you're gay?"

As those words entered my brain, I was furious.

"Well...uh...no, probably not."

"Why?" Ryan asked.

"Because..." I replied. "He'd hate me!"

Ryan sighed. "Troy, are you ashamed of yourself for being gay?"

"No." I replied, as if the answer was obvious.

"Well," Ryan continued. "If you tell your dad that it's who you are and you're happy, then he'll remember that you're his son, and he loves you and is proud of you, no matter what."

"I guess you're right." I said.

"When did you tell your dad?" I asked.

Ryan looked away from me. I could see that his face was red, like he was embarassed.

"Oh...uh...I haven't..." he said.

"What! Why not?" I asked, shocked.

"Because...my dad doesn't love me...and he isn't proud of me..."

That response almost made me cry.

I saw that Ryan _was_ crying, so I put my arm around his waist, and he layed his head down on my shoulder. We sat like that for probably ten minutes. The feeling of the two of us just being together, embracing the moment--embracing _each other_--was such a new feeling for me. So many thoughts rummaged through my mind, and I looked down at Ryan with his head on my shoulder, and smiled. There was so much to say, but I didn't feel the need to say any of it, because the moment itself was enough.

Ryan lifted his head and looked at me. I kissed his cheeks--the stains from where his tears had been. He had his eyes closed and was breathing heavily, like he was soaking up the moment--taking it all in.

I thought Ryan would just sit there, enjoying the moment, but he lifted his hand, and gently placed it on the side of my face, and I let out a heavy sigh like I had been holding it in for a long time. Ryan brushed his thumb against my lips, and I kissed it. I wanted to get to know every inch of Ryan's body. So I slowly lifted his shirt up, up, and off. I stared at Ryan's bare skin, and Ryan picked up my hands and placed them on his chest. I moved my hands all over, exploring Ryan's skin, so soft. I touched him lightly, as if he were fragile and I could easily break him.

Ryan was breathing heavily now. His call of desperation for my sweet touch had been answered, and it was all too much to handle. Too much was never enough.

Ryan put his hand on the back of my head and pulled me in to a kiss. I could tell that he was desperate for my love at the moment, and we were grabbing and touching each other all over. We could not control ourselves. I layed down on the bed and let Ryan come down on top of me. We kept kissing and touching each other until I heard a familiar noise...my cell phone. _shit!_

I almost didn't answer it. I let it ring about four times, then Ryan stopped our make-out session and said "Troy, just answer it." and he rolled off of me. I got up and walked over to my computer desk where my phone was, picked it up, and in an irritated voice, said "Hello!"

"Troy?" I heard a soft voice say..._Gabriella!_

"...G-...Gabby?" I said, worried.

"Troy...I'm sorry...I didn't want this to happen...I love you." she said shakily. I could tell she was crying.

I tried to ask her what was going on. "Gabby...are you okay?...what's wrong?...why are you crying?"

"Everything will be okay soon...it'll all be over..." she said, then I heard a click.

"Good-bye, Troy." Gabby said, and I heard a gunshot, followed by complete silence.

Freaked out, I hung up, turned to Ryan, and said, "We've got to get to Gabriella's house...NOW!"

Ryan was confused..."What? Why-"

"I'll explain later!" I practically screamed, then Ryan and I were out the door.

Gabriella lived about a five minute walking distance from my house, so Ryan and I ran all the way. When we got there, I didn't even knock on the door...I just ran in. I saw no one.

Now Ryan was really confused. "What's going on, Troy!"

"That was Gabby who called me...she was crying and apologizing, then I heard a gun shot."

As soon as I said that, I looked past Ryan into the next room, and saw long brown hair spread out on the floor. I ran over into the next room, Ryan following. I stood there, next to Gabriella's body...she committed suicide.


	11. The Only Difference

**Disclaimer: I do not own High School Musical! I also do not own the song I used as the title of this chapter!shocked, eh?**

**A/N: This chapter is quite short, but very VERY sad! enjoy! ps...the title of this chapter is a song by Panic! At the Disco...awesome song! Ok, I want to try something a little different...when you review (and i hope you all will!), in the review, i want you to tell me your favorite thing that's happened in this story so far, and what you think will happen in the next few chapters...please do this, because i want to know more of what my readers think. k, i hope you like chapter 11...REVIEW, PLEASE!**

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Chapter 11: The Only Difference Between Martyrdom and Suicide is Press Coverage**

Troy's P.O.V.

I kneeled down next to Gabby, my knees dipped into a puddle of her blood. I lifted her up and held her against me. I cried helplessly.

Ryan kneeled down beside me and put his hand on my shoulder. He didn't know what else to do.

I wept and cried for probably about fifteen minutes before Ryan got out his cell phone and called for police and an ambulance.

While they were on their way, Ryan and I paced the room silently. I thought to myself, _No wonder she hadn't been at school...she didn't want to have to say good-bye to everyone._

I was trying not to cry, but I could feel a few tears trickle down my face.

I heard the ambulance coming, so I rushed to the door, opened it, and rushed outside.

The guys were bringing in a bed, and I led them to Gabby's body. After she had been lifted up into the bed, I leaned over her and saw how beautiful she was...even though she was pale and had blood all over her, she still looked beautiful. I placed a single finger on her cheek and said "You were the first person I truly loved...and now you're gone." I began crying again, and between sobs, I said "...Good-bye, Gabriella." in a light voice, almost a whisper.

They took her away from me, and I realized then and there while watching her leave that I would never see her again...ever...the thought made me sick to my stomach, so I sat down on a nearby couch. Ryan sat next to me and held my hand, continually whispering to me, "Everything will be okay."

A policeman walked up to us to ask us what had happened.

"Well, sir.." I started, "My boyfriend and I were at my house and she called me on my cell phone, crying and apologizing. She told me she loved me, said good-bye, then I heard a gun shot. So, my boyfriend and I ran over here from my house, only to find her dead on the floor...I can't believe she committed suicide..." I was bawling at this point.

The policeman patted me on the shoulder and said "It's alright, son. Come on, I'll give you and your friend a ride home."

Ryan and I stood up and followed the policeman out to his car. I told him where I lived, and when I got inside, I went up to my room and layed down on the bed. I was crying again, and the tears trickled down the side of my face and landed inside my ears. I didn't bother to wipe them away. I just cried and cried for a hundred years...never wanting to get up from my bed, never wanting to face Dad, Ryan, Chad, or anyone else again, only because I didn't want to explain what happened.

After crying for a few centuries, it dawned on me...hit me like a fucking train. I figured out why Gabby killed herself...it was because of me! It was all my fault! After I told her I was gay, she never showed up at school, then she kills herself...I practically murdered her! When people find out she killed herself, they're going to know it was because of me.

I know what they'll say..._'Hey, he's the guy who killed Gabby.'_..._'He's the one who drove Gabriella to suicide!'_

I began screaming, and I got up off my bed and started tearing apart everything in my room...pillows, blankets, posters, books, stereo, guitar, computer...and all the while, screaming at the top of my lungs, "I'M SORRY! I'M SORRY! I'M SO FUCKING SORRY!" over and over again, I screamed until I couldn't even speak anymore, and I felt like my lungs would collapse. I threw myself onto the floor and layed there, crying yet again...and after another century of tears, I fell into a numb sleep, thankful that, for a mere few hours, I couldn't feel a thing.


	12. Hands Are Shaking Cold

**Disclaimer: I DO NOT OWN HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL, ITS CHARACTERS, OR DISNEY CHANNEL!**

**A/N: Ok, I know chapter 11 was short, so I made this one longer. Honestly, I wasn't sure how to follow the last chapter, but I think I handled it very well. Thank you to everyone who has been reviewing. I know that I've been begging for reviews, but I haven't been thanking the people who have reviewed...so, thank you SO MUCH! I very much appreciate all the reviews! But, still...KEEP REVIEWING! lol K, here's chapter 12...I hope you all recognize the title of this chapter as a lyric from "Move Along" by AAR. ENJOY! ;)**

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Chapter 12: Hands Are Shaking Cold**

Troy's P.O.V.

I opened my eyes and unsteadily stood up. I looked at the clock. I had been sleeping for 13 hours. I walked downstairs, into the kitchen, and made a pot of coffee. I didn't care if it was the afternoon...I needed coffee.

When it was done, I poured myself a cup, sat down, and stared down into the coffee mug. I tried not to think about Gabby...I tried not to think about _anything_, but failed miserably. I couldn't help but feel guilty about what happened. I know it was all my fault. If she didn't kill herself because of the fact that I'm gay, then she wouldn't have called me and said those things.

I wish I didn't have to face this. I wish I could just leave...leave this town, leave this state, leave this _planet_, and I couldn't remember any of this. But I know that I cannot do that, and I have to remember what happened--remember what I did, and I have to deal.

After I was done with my coffee, I went upstairs and took a shower. I got dressed and drove over to Ryan's house. When I got there, he was outside, sitting on the front steps with his head drooping in his hands. He heard me pull up, he looked up at me, and smiled to make me feel better. I attempted to smile back, but somehow, my lips couldn't make the form.

I walked over to Ryan, and he stood up. We stood in front of each other for a few seconds, and I almost began to cry. Ryan embraced me in a sympathetic hug, and I cried desperately in his arms, because it felt like the right thing to do.

"It's okay Troy. Let it all out. Don't hold back anything. I'm here for you. I love you." Ryan said, trying to comfort me. And I'm glad to say that he did, a little...and I felt so lucky to have him at that moment, forever.

"Ryan..." I said between sobs."..It's all my fault. Gabby killed herself because I told her I'm gay. I practically killed her!"

"No, Troy, you didn't. It's not like that at all. Gabby made the choice, you didn't." Ryan told me comfortingly.

At that moment, I hugged Ryan tighter, as tight as I possibly could, for I loved him more then than I ever had before. I calmed down some, and quit sobbing and crying enough to say "Thanks, Ryan. I love you."

"I love you, too, baby." Ryan said softly. Then, he took my hand and led me inside. No one else was home. It seemed like Ryan was the only one ever home in his house.

We went upstairs and I went into the bathroom to splash cold water on my face to calm me down some more and cool me off a little. I dried my face on a towel, then walked to Ryan's room, where he was leaning against his computer desk. I walked over to him, and as soon as I looked into his stormy blue eyes, my head was cleared of all negative thoughts. All I could think about was him...how much I love him...how beautiful he is...

I placed my hands on his hips, and he placed his on my chest. I leaned in closer and kissed him on the lips. There was no passion in the kiss, just a wordless 'thank you.' And Ryan kissed me back, as if to say _'You're welcome.'_ I pulled away a little, wanting to say something, anything, but nothing came to mind, so I just smiled, and Ryan smiled back. The moment was too perfect, but I knew I could do something to make it better. I placed my hand gently on the side of Ryan's face, and I leaned in to kiss him--this time, a kiss with so much raw passion, it was practically dripping off our bodies. I leaned in closer...as close as I could, and our bodies were practically grinding together. We were exploring each other, touching every inch of each other's bodies.

After a short while of doing this, I stopped, and I couldn't figure out why. The moment was _perfect_, and I ruined it! Why did I do that?

Humiliated at what I just did, I stormed off out of Ryan's room without even saying good-bye. Ryan ran after me, and when I was at the door, he was behind me, and he said "Troy, what's wrong? Why did you run out on me like that?"

I slowly turned around to face Ryan, and said "I don't know...I'm so frustrated at everything right now. I don't know what to do." I could feel that I was about to cry again. Ryan walked closer to me and tried to hug me, but I pushed him off. "I have to go." I said, and ran out the door. Again, Ryan ran after me, and a part of me was glad he did.

"Troy, come on! Talk to me!"

I faced him, even though I didn't want to. "You know, when I'm with you, I'm happy...so happy. No matter where we are or what we're doing, I'm happy, just because I'm with you. And just then, when we were in your room, I was happy. But I shouldn't be happy right now. I don't _want_ to be happy!"

"What's wrong with being happy?" Ryan innocently asked.

"Because...the only girl I ever loved just killed herself because I fell in love with someone else...a fucking dude, of all people!" I screamed.

Ryan sighed. "Troy...it's not your fault at all...it was her decision to kill herself...not yours...you have nothing to worry about...no reason to feel guilty."

"But Ryan," I said. "I didn't mean for all this to happen...it wasn't supposed to happen! I didn't ask for any of this shit! I was happy with Gabriella...I thought I loved her...then you came along and turned me gay and I fell in love with you! I don't remember wanting any of that! But that's my life now, and somehow, I've got to learn to deal with it..."

Ryan looked angry and confused. "So, you're saying that you wish you'd never fallen in love with me? You don't want to be with me?"

I was shocked that he thought that. "Of course not, Ryan...I'm just saying that after all I've put people through lately, I don't deserve to be happy."

"...But you called it 'shit'...you don't want to be with me...you wish we were never together..." Ryan was crying now.

"No, Ryan, it's not-"

"Forget it." Ryan interrupted. "You don't have to deal with this 'shit' anymore. Good-bye Troy."

And with that, Ryan turned around and walked home, head drooping. I stood there until I couldn't seehim anymore. When I was sure he was inside, I went back to his house to get my car, then I began driving back home.


	13. No Turning Back

**Disclaimer: Alas, I do not own Disney Channel, High School Musical, or the characters...I DO, however, own the plotline.**

**AN: ...Chapter 13...I can't believe the story has made it this far...I figured that after the first few chapters, people would get bored with the story and I'd stop getting reviews! You know, it's just the coolest thing in the world when I get reviews and people say they can't wait for an update...all the reviews have been great...they never fail to put a smile on my face. :) THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS REVIEWED SINCE THIS STORY STARTED!**

**Also, I'm posting up another story...it's a HSM...oneshot...I think it's cool...READ IT AND REVIEW! It's called "The Inertia of a Lonely Heart." If enough people read and review and like it...I'll make another one and turn it into a story when I'm done with "Tonightless." k...enjoy this chapter!**

**P.S. Thank you so much to Nichole Hughes...your review was awesome! I'm really glad you're enjoying the story so much!**

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Chapter 13: No Turning Back**

Troy's P.O.V.

On my way home, I was so frustrated and angry at everything in my life! I lost one of the best friends I've ever had--the only girl I've ever loved...and, to top it all off, my boyfriend was pissed at me because he totally mistook something I said! I love Ryan so much. I don't want to lose him, too...I want to be with him forever. He's the most amazing person I've ever met...so, why did I go off on him just a minute ago. _Fuck! I'm such a dumbass!_

Ryan was right about everything...I should've just listened to him...then I wouldn't feel so terrible right now...and maybe I wouldn't feel so guilty for being happy.

I thought to myself, _Gabriella did make her own choice...and her choice was to end all her pain forever._ Wow...that sounds nice...to end all my pain forever...maybe Gabby didn't make such a terrible decision after all...

But, how...how am I going to do it? I saw a huge tree in the distance. It got closer and closer, and I drove towards it at full speed. I undid my seatbelt. As I got closer to the tree, I realized, _there's no turing back now. _I hit, and all went black.

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Ryan's P.O.V.

The beeping from this moniter is really getting annoying. I can't stand it much longer...

Something else I can't stand much longer is seeing him like this...all bruised and cut-up, he looks so helpless...so lifeless...I wanted so badly to tell him how much I love him, but he was still unconcious. Seeing him like that, and not knowing what happened, is driving me crazy! I want to know how this happened to him!

The doctor walked in and saw me. I stood up and shook his hand.

"My name is Dr. Greene. I've been running tests on Mr. Bolton, and I assure you that once his bruises and scars begin to heal, he'll be just fine."

I let out a huge sigh of relief. "Thank God...I was so worried." I said, looking down at the lifeless body.

"So..." Dr. Greene said, "How do you know Troy?"

"Oh, he's my boyfriend." I replied.

"Really? What's your name, son?"  
"Ryan Evans."

"Well, Mr. Evans, your boyfriend will be fine soon. The accident did knock him unconcious, but we have him on some heavy pain medicaiton. He should wake up within the next few hours and you can talk to him." Dr. Greene said.

"Great. I really need to talk to him."

Dr. Greene started walking away, then I stopped him.

"Dr. Greene?" and he turned around.

"Yes?" he replied.

"Umm...do you know exactly how the accident happened? I mean, do you know what the accident was, other than just a car wreck?" I asked, shakily.

"No, that's something we intend on finding out when he wakes up."

When Dr. Greene left, I sat back down in the seat next to Troy's bed.

All I could do was sit there and watch him, waiting for him to wake up.

While watching him, I noticed that, even with all those bloody scars and bruises, he still looked gorgeous..just as gorgeous as ever.

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I just wanted all my readers to know something else...I know exactly what I want to happen in the rest of the story...and I'm going to fit it all in 7 chapters...there are going to be 20 chapters to this story...but i will write another one...but, i need ideas! so, please email me some ideas for a new HSM fan fic...i was thinking something about a new girl at east high and ryan likes her...but he finds out that she's had 'sexual relation's with coach bolton, so ryan is wondering whether or not he should rat on the girl he's falling in love with. sound good? email me please! also, dont forget to read my new story..oneshot..."The Inertia of a Lonely Heart" I'm going to post it right after I post this chapter. Thank you everyone!


	14. Camisado

**Disclaimer: Do I own HSM, it's characters, or Disney Channel? No. Do I own the plotline? Yes!**

**A/N: I know...only one day between chapters...so what? I'm bored lol N E Wayz, I'm so excited at how far this story has gotten...I already have the ending...pretty much the last chapter...written (in my head). I plan for this story to have 20 chapters...6 to go! I want to thank everyone on this site who's written a HSM fan fic...especiallly the Troy/Ryan ones...I drew about 95 of my inspiration from those stories! Also, I want to thank everyone who has read and reviewed "Inertia of a Lonely Heart" I see that it was a hit! Oh yea...I realized that I completely blew off the fact that they're still in shool in this part of the story, so I made up for it. I made Sharpay explain it...they were on spring break lol.Ok, well here's chapter 14...PLEASE REVIEW!**

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Chapter 14:Camisado**

Ryan's P.O.V.

I had been sitting there next to Troy's body, waiting for him to wake up. An hour went by...nothing. Two hours...nothing. It was nearing the third hour of my wait, then I heard a noise. I looked over at Troy...he was waking up!

"Troy?" I said, excitedly.

His eyes slowly fluttered open, and he looked over at me...at the worried and anxious look on my face.

"Hey, Ry...what are you doing here?"

"I've been here for three hours waiting for you to wake up."

Troy let out a groan of pain as he sat up in his bed.

"What happened Troy?"

"Umm...well, I was uh, driving home when a...uh, a car came out of fucking nowhere and uh, was driving right towards me,like it was trying to attack me!...and I uh, tried to swerve and miss it, and I uh...hit a tree."

_Oh my gosh...did Troy think I'd really fall for that?_ "Come on, Troy...you never say 'uh' that much...tell me the truth...what really happened?"

Troy didn't say anything. I could tell he was thinking hard about another stupid lie to tell me. I could see tears well up in his eyes. He looked down at his hands placed gently in his lap...I could now hear him weeping...

"Troy...?"

"I was so mad...confused...furious!...at everything in my life...I didn't want to deal with it...and I told myself I didn't have to deal with it."

_Oh no..._ I thought to myself. "Troy...did you...?"

"Yes...I...I tried to...uh...kill myself...I'm sorry."

He was saying 'uh' again...but this time, I knew he was telling the truth.

I got up and sat down in the bed next to him. I held him close to me and put his head against my chest. We layed down together.

"It's okay Troy...I'm here now...I'll protect you..." I said in almost a whisper. I really wanted to help and protect Troy...I wanted to save him...and I knew that it was a good thing that I wanted to do...because I _had _to do it.

I put Troy's face in my hand, and lifted him up to me. I kissed him lightly on the lips, being sure I left him wanting more. He put his hand on my neck and we were practically making out in the hospital bed.

I sat up a little and took my shirt off. I layed back down next to my love. He was wearing one of those paper hospital gowns, so I just tore it off and threw it on the floor. Troy unbottoned my pants and slid them down to my knees, along with my boxers. I slid my hand down to his erection and began stroking him, as he did the same to me. We were still kissing, and moaning between every sloppy kiss.

Finally, I stopped kissing him, and I started stroking him faster and faster, and he moaned louder. "Oh...Ryan...oh..."

"Oh, God...yes...Troy..." I moaned as he was still stroking me.

We came at the same time, and Troy reached over to a box of tissues, and we cleaned up our mess.

Troy was still really sore, and hurting badly, so he couldn't move much, which meant we couldn't make love yet. I got up and put my clothes on. I leaned over and kissed Troy again.

"It's late. I should get some rest...and so should you. I'll come see you tomorrow." I said.

I left, and on my way home, I saw Sharpay.

"Hey, sis...need a ride?"

"Hey, Ryan...yea, sure."

She got in the car and I told her what happened...about Gabriella killing herself, and Troy atempting to kill himself.

"Oh my gosh, that's terrible." was all Shar could say.

"Yeah..." I said.

"You know..." Sharpay continued. "...tomorrow is the last day of spring break...Troy is about to have to face everyone again. How many people do you think know about Gabby killing herself?"

"I'm not sure...hopefully, no one knows about anything that happened." I said.

Shar and I got home, and she went to her room while I went to mine. I sat down on the edge of my bed, trying to absorb all that's been happening. I sort of laughed when I remembered Troy's lame explanation of what happened...this town is a clone of Mayberry...as long as I can remember, there hasn't been a single camisado...and Troy tried to make me believe that that's what happened to him.

Sometimes, it's silly little things like that that make me love him so much...


	15. Rowdy

**Disclaimer: I own nothing! Well...the plotline is mine..**

**AN: I happen to think that this chapter is totally adorable! I wrote this chapter about 4 times before I ended up with this! lol The first time I wrote this chapter, it sounded like an episode of Kyle XY...I love that show, but this is a love story...lol well, enjoy chapter 15! REVIEW PLZ!**

**Oh yeah, also, i am now working on a few one-shot songfics...so watch out for those!**

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Chapter 15: Rowdy**

Troy's P.O.V.

After Ryan left, I was lying there in bed, wishing he didn't leave. I felt so terrible. I tried to kill myself because I thought I had no help, but Ryan was there all along to help me...and he'll always be there for me--my guardian angel.

I'm so lucky that even though I did what I did, Ryan still wants to be with me and take care of me. But, it's going to be harder after we go back to school. How am I going to explain about all my scars and bruises I have? How am I going to explain about Gabriella? Well, for now, I think it's best that people don't find out about Gabby. As far as my scars go, I'll say it was a rock climbing accident...something like that...

Ryan's P.O.V.

I don't know what to do to help Troy anymore. I've been trying to take care of him, but that ended in him attempting suicide. I have to pick him up from the hospital tomorrow and take him home. Maybe I should buy him a gift and have it waiting for him at his house...and when he gets home, he'll see it and be so surprised, and I'll see that glow in his eyes that I haven't seen in a long while...

But, what will I get him? What does he want that he doesn't already have? That's a hard question...he has everything...But he is always playing with Emmy...my dog...that's it! I'll get him a dog! It's perfect! He'll love it!

I went to a nearby pet shop to find the perfect dog for Troy. I walked along the wall, seeing dog after dog in small cages...I wanted to get him a puppy. Then, I saw it...the perfect dog for Troy. It was a 2-week old pug named Rowdy. He looked up at me and sighed, and that's how I knew. The owner of the store gave me papers for my parents to sign, so I gave them to Coach Bolton, since the dog was for Troy. He signed them, and I immediately went back to the pet shop to get the dog.

The next day, I put him in a cage and took him to Troy's house and in Troy's room, on his bed. I took Rowdy out of the cage and sat him down on the bed, and tied a bow around him. I put the cage at the foot of Troy's bed. I called for Mr. Bolton to keep Rowdy there until I came back with Troy. I ran off to the hospital to pick up my love. When I got there, he was dressed and was packing his things in a back pack. I ran over to him and hugged him.

"Troy, I'm so glad you're better." I said, squeezing him.

He was still a little sore, and sucked in his breath when I hugged him.

"Sorry, babe...I didn't mean to hurt you. I just missed you." I apologized.

"It's okay." Troy said sweetly, and he kissed me lightly on the lips.

I picked up Troy's back pack for him, took his hand, and led him out of the hospital to my car. I got in the car, started it, and headed for Troy's house. When we got there, I pulled in, and turned the car off. Before we got out, I turned to Troy and said "Baby, I've got a surprise for you."

When we got inside, we walked up to his room and I put my hands over his eyes before knocking on the bedroom door with my foot. Mr. Bolton opened the door and left. I led Troy in the room, looking at Rowdy on the bed. When Troy and I were standing about three feet fom the bed, I took my hands off his eyes, and he looked on his bed and saw the dog. I thought he was going to cry.

"Oh my gosh, Ry..." he said. He picked up Rowdy and held him in his arms like a baby. Rowdy was wagging his short stubby tail and licked Troy on the face.

"His name is Rowdy." I said.

"He's perfect." Troy said with watery eyes. He leaned over and kissed me. "Thank you."

Troy and I went to the store to get puppy food and a food and water dish. When we got back to his house, we set up the dish in the kitchen and put food and water in it. Rowdy immediately began chowing down. Troy and I watched him. I grabbed Troy by the hips and brought him in towards me. He draped his arms around my neck. I kissed him hard on the lips. Finally, we were happy again.


	16. Coming Out

**Disclaimer: Oh, how I yearn for you, High School Musical. How I long and wish to own thee. But alas, I do not...**

**AN: hehe...i made the disclaimer funny! lol n e wayz...chapter 16! yippee! I'm sad tho, cuz I don't want this story to have more than 20 chapters, which means...only 4 more to go! sniff sniff But don't worry, I'll keep on writing new stuff. I hope you all watch out for my many song fic/oneshots that I will keep posting...if you read my profile and see what my favorite bands are, maybe some of you can give me ideas for song fics..?remember,all my song fics will be for HSM..except i may write one forDegrassi, andone for Criminal Minds...well, enjoy chapter 16!**

**And if you don't review, I will come to your house, and I will cut you! lol jk,but please review!**

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Chapter 16: Coming Out**

Troy's P.O.V.

"Hey, Ry...let's go up to my room. I think we need to talk."

"K." Ryan said, and we walked upstairs.

When we got to my room, I sat down on my bed. Ryan moved my computer chair to the bed and sat down in front of me.

"Ry..." I began, "I'm sorry...you must think I'm awful...I tried to kill myself and ruin everything!"

Ryan rolled his eyes. "Troy...if I thought you were so awful, would I have bought you a dog?"

I thought about that for a minute. "...well...I guess not." I kinda laughed, and so did Ry.

I leaned in and kissed Ryan on the nose, then on the top lip, the bottom lip, then fully on the mouth. Ryan put his hand on the back of my head, and I put my hand on his chest. Ryan got up from the chair, leaned over and layed down on top of me on the bed.

"Ry...I can't...not yet...I'm still too sore." I said between kisses.

Ryan rolled over beside me, and I sat up.

"I'm sorry..." I said.

"It's okay...for now. But when you get better...I'm gonna hit that ass." and he slapped me on the butt.

I laughed. "I love you Ry."

"I love you too T-Roy."

"T-Roy? What the hell is that?"

"Well, you call me Ry, so I need to give you a nickname...T-Roy is all I could think of."

Ryan and I were laughing hysterically.

"Ok, I promise I won't call you T-Roy...if you promise me one thing.."

"What's that?"

"Promise me that even if I can't call you T-Roy, I can at least call you mine." Ryan said sweetly.

_Awww!_

"Of course...I'll always be your's, babe...forever..." I replied.

There was a short silence.

"Great! We had to get all mushy!" Ryan said, flailing his arms in the air.

I laughed. "Hey! Mushy is good sometimes!"

Ryan sighed. "True."

We looked at each other in pure lust, and Ryan was on top of me again. I wanted to make love, but I couldn't! I was still too sore!

Ryan held my wrists against the bed and was kissing my neck.

"Ry...remember...I'm still sore...we can't do this...come on.." But I couldn't stop him...it felt too good.

"Ry...Ryan!...don't!..." But I just grabbed his face and planted a huge kiss on his lips. While we were kissing, I moved my hands down to his waist and unbottoned and unzipped his jeans and slowly pulled them down. Ryan stood up and stepped out of them, as well as his underwear, and took his shirt off, then he pulled off my pants and underwear. I lifted up my shirt and threw it across the room. Ryan was on top of me again, and I could feel our erections grinding against each other. Ryan sat up and I turned around, on my hands and knees. Without hesitation, Ryan was inside of me, pounding hard in and out, moaning loudly. I screamed in pleasure and pain. "Oh!...Ry...OOH!"

As I screamed, Ryan moved faster and faster and screamed along with me.

When we were done, we fell helplessly on the bed, relieved. It did hurt because my whole body was still sore, but god, I had been waiting a while for that! It was so incredible, despite how much I was hurting.

"That was amazing, Ry..." I said in between heavy breaths. Ryan just let out a cute little giggle.

It was great to be home.

I woke up to my phone ringing. It was 7 am...I was pissed.

"Hello?" I answered, kind of frustrated.

"Hey, babe...today is our first day back at school...spring break is over!"

"...Golly gee, that's swell!" I said as sarcastically as I could manage at 7 in the morning...

"Yeah...get ready...I'll be there to pick you up in about half an hour." Ryan said enthusiastically.

"K...see ya then. Love you."

"Love you, too...bye!"

"Bye" I said, then hung up the phone and headed to the shower.

When Ry got to my house, I walked outside to his car, got in, and kissed him.

"Hey babe." I said.

"Hey." he replied.

We were headed to school, and we weren't saying a word. I couldn't talk because I was too tired.

"So, Troy...what are you going to say about your bruises and scars if anyone asks?" Ryan said.

"I'll tell them that I went rock climbing over spring break and I had an accident..." I said.

"Sounds like a good enough excuse." Ryan said.

Silence.

"Umm...listen, hun...I've been thinking, and, uh...I, uh...Ithinkweshouldcomeouttogether." Ryan said quickly.

I looked at him with a raised eyebrow. "You mean...come out as in..tell everyone we're gay and that we're together?" I asked.

"Well...yeah...you don't want to?" Ryan asked.

"Well, a part of me wants to...but I can't." I said.

"Why?" Ryan asked.

"Because...ever heard of a reputation? Well, I've got one, and it's excellent...and I want to keep it that way. But, still, I want to show us off to the world...I want to brag to everyone that I have the best boyfriend EVER!" I said, smiling.

"Well, I want to come out...should we do it?" Ryan looked worried.

I thought about it for a moment, staring at the road in front of us.

"You know what?...yeah, let's do it!" I said, clapping my hands together.

"YESS!" Ryan squealed.

"OK.." I said. "But it has to be a gradual thing...we tell our parents first, then you tell Shar, and we'll tell our best friends. And once they've all accepted it, we'll just walk in the school building one day, hand-in-hand, and we'll get to show off our sexy selves together."

"Sounds good." Ryan said...and for the rest of the car ride to school, we were silent and smiling.


	17. Proud to be Your Son

**Disclaimer: I regret to inform you that I do not own High School Musical, the characters, or Disney Channel! sorry! don't kill me!**

**AN: Okay, this chapter is all serious and sweet...ryan and troy are coming out to their families...It's a little too sweet though, but there's already so much friggin drama in this story, so i wanted some happiness for a change! lol But there still is somedrama...k well,enjoy! REVIEW PLZ! THE STORY DEPENDS ON IT!**

**ALSO, TODAY IS THE ONE-MONTH ANNIVERSARY OF "TONIGHTLESS" I'M SO HAPPY!**

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Chapter 17: Proud to Be Your Son**

Ryan's P.O.V.

I just got home from school, and I knew what I had to do. _This is it,_ I told myself. _I'm coming out to Shar, Mom, and Dad. _I walked into the living room, where everyone was sitting, and I threw my backpack on the floor beside the couch where Shar was. Dad was reading a book, Mom was looking at a magazine, and Sharpay was filing her fingernails. I just stood there. Everything was silent.

I took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

"Mom...Dad...Shar...I have something to tell you." They all looked up at me.

"Please know that this is hard for me to tell you, because I've kept it a secret for so long...and don't freak out, because I'm still the same person."

"Just spit it out, Ry!" My mom was getting impatient.

"Ok, ok...I...I, uh..." I looked Sharpay in the eyes, then Dad, then Mom. "...I'm...gay..." I whispered that last word a softly as possible, but they all heard.

"Well!" My mother said, shocked.

"Hmm..I suspected it..." Shar said, and she hugged me. Mom walked up behind Sharpay, and she hugged me, too.

I looked at Dad...he was just reading that book like he didn't hear a word I said.

"Dad...?" I said, worried.

He didn't look up from that book...

"Uh, Dad!" I said again. "Honey? Didn't you hear Ryan's announcement?" Mom said.

"Well, actually, there's more..." I said, looking at Mom.

"More?" Mom and Shar said in unison.

"Yeah...I'm dating Troy Bolton...we've been together for a while...and I love him, and he loves me." I said, smiling.

"Oh, sweetie, that's great!" My mom said, hugging me again, and kissing me on the cheek.

"Yeah, Ry...I'm happy for you." Sharpay said, and put her hand on my shoulder, smiling along with me and Mom.

Dad still hadn't said a word.

"Michael Joseph Evans! Your son has made a very important announcement and you haven't said a goddamn word!" My mother yelled at my father.

Finally, he stood up. "I'm going outside to read on the porch swing." and he walked off, not even looking at any of us in the eye.

I could feel tears welling up inside of me, and I tried to keep my lips from forming a disappointed frown on my face.

Mom hugged me, leaning my head on her shoulder, and Sharpay leaned against me. I was crying.

"He hates me, doesn't he?" I said between sobs.

"No, honey...it's just that...well, that was some very shocking news...give him time..." My mother said, then she walked outside after my dad.

I sat down on the couch with my head cradled in my hands...Shar sat next to me and rubbed my back with her hand.

"It's okay, bro...everything will be okay...I promise." She tried to comfort me...but I knew it, I knew that my own father was ashamed to have me as a son.

But, at least I had a loving sister and Mother who would love me no matter what..straight, gay, bi...they'll love me...and I couldn't help but smile at that thought.

I got up and walked outside where my dad was. I stood in front of him.

"Dad?" I said. "Didn't you hear my announcement?"

"Yes I did." he replied.

"Well, you're not mad, are you? Because, I know that you'll love me no matter what because I'm your son and-" I said, but he cut me off.

"Son?..." He said. He stood up and looked me straight in the eye. "...I have no son."

Troy's P.O.V.

"Dad!" I yelled as soon as I ran in through my front door.

"I'm in the den!" he yelled back.

I walked into my father's den and just stood in the doorway, staring at him, and smiling.

"Dad, don't get mad when I say this, but this is one of those moments where I wish Mom was here!" I said. My dad didn't worry, though. He could tell that I had news, and it was good news, because I was smiling.

My dad sat up straight in his chair and said "You've got news...big news, don't you?"

"Oh yeah!" I said.

"Well, get your ass over here and tell me.

I walked over to him and sat on the corner of his desk. I was still smiling, happy that I was about to come clean. But, that smile was wiped clear off my face as soon as I looked my father in the eyes. _What if he disowns me or something? What if he refuses to tell himself that he has a gay son?_

"Umm...Dad...I'm just going to come straight out and say it...I'm gay." _There. I said it__. I told him._

He looked at me in pure shock. "Well, that certainly is big news...big, shocking news. Why were you so happy to tell me?" he said.

"Well, for one--because I was so happy that I'm finally telling the truth, and two--because I have a boyfriend...and I'm in love with him..." I said.

"Alright, champ!" My dad was really proud of me.

"You mean, you're not mad? You're not going to disown me or anything?" I asked.

"No, of course not...I'm proud of you!" My dad said, smiling.

I was confused. "Proud? Why are you proud of me?" I asked.

"Son, you're the basketball star of East High...you get excellent grades...you're a handsome, funny, charming guy that everyone loves to be around. How can I _not _be proud of you?" My dad said, nudging me on the shoulder.

"Yeah, I guess you're right." I said.

"Yeah...so who's this boyfriend of yours?" he asked.

"Oh...Ryan Evans. Remember, he came over here to surprise me with a dog?"

"Oh, yeah, I remember." Dad said.

There was silence for a moment...it was a happy silence, though.

"Son, no matter what, I'll always be proud of you...I'll always be proud to be your dad."  
"Thanks, Dad...I'll always be proud to be your son." I replied.


	18. Failure to Accept

**Disclaimer: I know,I know...I don't own HSM, the characters, or Disney Channel...what's new?**

**AN: umm...does there always have to be an author's note?...cuz all i really feel like saying is "enjoy and please review", so..uh...yea...enjoy and please review! lol**

**Oh yeah..I want my readers to help me here...I want to read YOUR favorite HSM fan fics on this site, so please email me your favorite ones..the title, author, rating, whatever...or just the link to the story lol but before you do, look at my profile, and if the story is already on my favorites, dont send it to me! lol k, well, enjoy this chapter!**

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Chapter 18: Failure to Accept**

Troy's P.O.V.

I'm sitting on my font porch waiting for Ryan to come and take me to school. I'm so excited that we're finally coming out to everyone! I just wonder how everyon's going to take it...?

I saw Ryan's car, so I stood up.

"Hey Ry!" I said as I waved to him. He rolled down the passenger's window. "Hey sexy!" he replied.

I climbed in, leaned over, and gave Ryan a kiss.

"So," he said. "You ready for school?"

I smiled and let out a deep breath. "As ready as I'll ever be." I said.

Smiles never left our faces as we drove to school. I couldn't believe what we were about to do! My heart was pounding hard through my chest. A million thoughts were running through my mind, eager to claw themselves deep into my conscience. I looked over at Ryan, whose eyes were on the road, and somehow, I knew the same million thoughts were racing in his mind, too.

I saw the school building in the near distance, and my heart was beating even faster, even though I didn't know that was possible...

We pulled into the parking lot, found a place to park the car, then stopped. Ryan turned the car off, and we sat there in silence, my eyes on my hands, his eyes on his own hands.

I let out a breath, then looked out the window, seeing all the familiar faces again. "Well, this is it, babe." I said, then looked over at Ry.

"Yep." he said.

We got out of the car and began walking our way into the building. We walked beside each other...not holding hands or anything...just beside each other like friends. Together, we walked over to the basketball team, which was already huddled up around my locker, waiting for me to arrive.

Chad saw me. "Hey, dude! Long time, no see!" I gave him a high-five. "Where were you all spring break, anyways? I didn't see you at all."

I looked over at Ryan. "I was, uh...busy...with stuff..." I managed to say.

Suddenly, everyone noticed Ryan.

"Hey, Drama King...shouldn't you be in your sister's shadow or something?" Jason said.

Everyone laughed...everyone but me and Ryan.

"Hey!" I said, "You're gonna have to get used to Ryan.."

"Why?" Chad asked with a raised eyebrow.

I smiled, looked at Ryan, then walked over into the middle of the hall. I looked around and saw all the people in their conversations..talking about everything they did over Spring Break. I cleared my throat, and yelled, at the top of my lungs, "BECAUSE RYAN EVANS IS MY BOYFRIEND..." Everyone looked over at me. "AND I LOVE HIM!" I finished. Everyone, including Ryan, stared at me--wide-eyed, jaw-dropped, and flabbergasted.

I walked back over to my love. I wrapped my arms around his waist, took him in, and kissed him hard on the lips. I heard some awww's, and quite a few ewww's, but I didn't care. I pulled away from Ry and looked around. No one could believe that Troy Bolton, the star of the basketball team--the playmaker--was gay.

I looked at Chad.

"Chad, you're my best friend. You're okay with this, right?" I asked, scared, because I was almost sure of what he'd say.

"Come on, man. So you like dudes...what's the big deal? Hey, I'm alright with it as long as you don't develop a little crush on me." Chad said.

"Yeah!" said the rest of the team, in unison.

Chad shot Ryan a look. "Although...I never could tolerate Mr. Drama King here." He got right in Ryan's face. Ry looked scared.

I quickly pushed Chad away from my boyfriend. "Well, if you want me to stick around, you better learn to tolerate Ryan." I said.

Chad just shook his head, turned around, and walked away...the rest of the team following him.

I turned around to face Ryan. "I'm sorry, babe." I said, holding his hand.

"Sorry?...Troy, you just announced to the whole school that you love me...that's the most romantic thing I've ever seen."

Ryan kissed me lightly. I got my books out of my locker, took Ryan's hand, and we stopped at his locker before going to class.

* * *

Ryan's P.O.V.

I'm sitting here in Trig...the only class I don't have with Troy this semester. Unfortunately, it's also the only class I _do_ have with Chad, Jason, and Zeke. I had been sitting in my desk for no more than 30 seconds when I saw all three of them walking over to me. Chad sat on the desk in front of me, with Zeke standing on one side of him and Jason on the other.

"Hey fag." Chad said.

"Fag? You do know that your best friend is my boyfriend...you calling Troy a fag, too?" I asked.

"No...Troy's cool, even if he's gay...but you're not just gay." Chad said. "Yeah, you're a flaming faggot!" Zeke followed.

"Wow...if only I cared what you dumbass, mindless creeps thought about me...then those old, tired insults would actually hurt me." I said in an obviously sarcastic tone. I stood up. "So, if you're done, I'll just be on my way." and I walked out the room...I didn't care that class just started.

I was halfway down the hall when I could sense the idiot squad following me. I just rolled my eyes to myself and walked into the nearest men's room. I stood in front of one of the sinks, throwing my book bag on top of it. I turned around and leaned against it, waiting for the guys to open the door.

I heard the door slam open, and I saw Chad first. "You know, fag, getting all smart-assy with me was a bad idea." Chad was right in my face.

"Ooooh...I'm scared." I replied. All of a sudden, Zeke and Jason were there, too. I wouldn't have admitted it, but after I saw all three of them gaining up on me, I really was scared...

Jason took one of my arms, Zeke took the other, and they slammed me into the wall. I was trying to get away, but I couldn't.

Chad walked over to me, slowly. "Well, faggot...maybe this will teach you a lesson...to never fuck with me again!" Chad said. He was getting ready to punch me when I said, knowing it'd only make things worse for me, "It's not you I'm fucking...it's your best friend."

A look of rage flew across Chad's face. I saw his fist ball up. I closed my eyes and prepared for the worst. He punched me in the stomach, using every bit of force he could muster up. I let out a loud groan. I tried to double over, but Zeke and Jason still had me pinned to the wall.

Chad punched me again, only this time, on the side of the face.

I felt blood dripping out of my nose, strolling down my face, and off my chin.

Finally, Jason and Zeke let me go and I instantly fell to the floor. Chad kicked me in the stomach and said "Fuck you, faggot." and he walked off, Zeke and Jason behind him. I layed there on the bathroom floor, and I couldn't move.


	19. Dead On Arrival

**Disclaimer: I do not own HSM...blah blah blah...yadda yadda yadda...**

**AN: ...I guess all I can say is enjoy, and REVIEW PLEASE!**

**P.S. I'm writing a new fan fic might be a one-shot..not sure yet its gonna be a slash, just cuz i love writing them. lol it will be about troy and his boyfriend struggling with their relationship, trying to hide their love from everyone else. i cant decide which pair to use...troy and ryan or troy and chad...tell me which you want me to use!**

**oh, and i'll be putting chapter 20 up within the next 2 days...sunday, i leave for a week and wont be able to update... **

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Chapter 19: Dead on Arrival**

Ryan's P.O.V.

_Troy,_

_I know we're excited about coming out, but I think your little basketball friends are having a little too much fun with it..._

I folded up the note and passed it to Troy, who was sitting right behind me. We were in Drama class, listening to another one of Mrs. Darbus's lectures. Troy wrote me back and handed me the note, but before I even had time to unfold it and read it, the prinicipal came on the intercom.  
"Would Ryan Evans please report to Coach Bolton's office, please."

I got up and looked at Troy with a confused look on my face. Troy looked at me with the same look, shrugged his shoulders, and so I headed off to Coach Bolton's office.

I walked into the door of the gym. His office was way on the other side. I walked across the gym floor, nervous as hell!

I arrived at his office door and looked in to see him reading the newspaper. I lightlly tapped on the door frame.

He looked up and saw me. He put down the newspaper and said "Come here, Evans."

I stood there in front of his desk. He walked over to me, just standing there. He smiled. He held out his hand. I shook it. Honestly, though, I was a little confused. Coach Bolton could tell.

He paced the office and didn't say anything for at least a minute. Then he stopped and leaned against his desk. He looked me right in the eyes and let out a heavy breath.

"Ryan...do you love my son?" he said simply.

I smiled and said "...with all my heart..."

"Good.." he said back. "I'm glad, because I think you are really good for Troy. I'm happy for you...both of you."

"Thanks, Coach..." I said.

There was an awkward pause.

"Yes, Troy and I had a long talk last night. Don't you go breaking his heart, now.."

I smiled. "I won't...trust me...I love him too much."

He smiled back. "Well, I just wanted to give you my stamp of approval. You can go back to class now." He said, and let out a little laugh.

"Alright. I'll see you later."

I was walking out the gym. As I was walking across the basketball court, I saw some people. I could tell they were waiting for me. And as I got closer, I could tell that it was Chad, Zeke, and Jason. _Oh no..._ I thought to myself.

They were walking closer to me, so I stopped. Without saying anything, they all started throwing punches...at my stomach, my face, my head, my back...everywhere, until I was on the floor. I was hoping Coach Bolton could hear what was going on, but his office door was closed, as was the door leading from the gym to the office. There was no way he could hear.

I was lying there, doubled over on the floor...bleeding from all over my head and face. All three of them were kicking me in the stomach as hard as they all could manage. They took turns yelling at me and calling me a faggot, queer,and any other insulting name they could come up with.

After about fifteen minutes, the bell rang...school was out for the day. They all three ran out, leaving me there, in excrutiating pain, and bleeding all over.

I couldn't move at all. I could feel the puddle of blood surrounding me. I felt dizzy. Every second, I grew weaker and weaker.

"Oh, no." I said to myself. "...I'm going to die."

I began sobbing.

"God, if I'm going to die today, please take care of my family...Mom, Sharpay, and even Dad--even though he hates me. And most of all, take care of Troy. He's the love of my life. I want him to be happy."

I felt myself getting lighter and lighter. My eyes were slowly closing, until all I could see was black...

Troy's P.O.V.

What in the hell is going on! Where's Ryan? I've been trying to call him for over two hours! It's almost 5:30, and his mom says he's still not home!

I walked downstairs and saw my dad. "Dad, Ryan's not home. I'm worried."

"Well, the last time I saw him was about half an hour before school let out. I was talking to him, and I figured he had already left when the bell rang. I wouldn't know, though, because I left the building through the back door by the locker room."

"So, you don't know if he even left the school gym?" I asked.

"I sure don't." my dad replied.

I ran outside to my car, jumped in, and headed for school.

When I got there, I ran to the gym as fast as I could. As soon as I walked in the doorway, I saw him, and stopped in my tracks. I couldn't breathe.

Once I was able to take in what I was seeing, I slowly walked over to Ryan and knelt down beside him. As soon as I saw him, I remembered Gabriella...why does this keep happening to me!

I held Ryan and was crying uncontrollably. I got his blood all over my shirt and jeans, but I didn't care.

I carefully layed him down and got out my cell phone and called for an ambulance.

When the ambulance showed up to take Ryan away, I told them I'd be following them in my car.

When they got to the hospital, the EMT told me to wait in the waiting room and he'd come get me when they knew anything about Ryan's situation.

I sat in the waiting room for about five minutes when the EMT came back, with a doctor my his side.

It was Dr. Greene...the same doctor who dealt with me when I attempted suicide.

"What is the patient's name?" Dr. Greene asked me.

"Ryan Evans." I replied.

"Ah yes, your boyfriend, right?" He asked.

"Yes." I said.

Dr. Green put his hand on my shoulder. "I'm sorry about what happened. You can go see him." he said.

I followed the doctor to Ryan's room. He stood outside the door while I walked in. A nurse walked up to Dr. Greene and was talking to him. Dr. Greene walked in and put a clipboard on the foot of Ryan's bed, then walked back out. I looked at Ryan's tired-looking, scarred-up face. I looked down at what the doctor put on his bed. I picked it up and read it. It said:

Name: Ryan Evans

Situation: DOA


	20. TonightlessThe Final Chapter

**Disclaimer: HSM belongs to Disney Channel..I'm not Disney Channel..I'm "My-Intoxication"...nice to meet you! lol**

**AN: Well,folks, here it is! The last chapter of "Tonightless"...the very, very ending of the story explains why the story is called "Tonightless." I hope everyone enjoyed reading this as much as I enjoyed writing it. PLEASE REVIEW! and dont worry...I'll keep writing...but, before too long, school will start again, so i wont be able to update whenever I want...but i'll update every week...I PROMISE! lol k, well enjoy the last chapter!**

**well, first i just want to thank everyone who has ever reviewed this story! i love you all! i hope i keep seeing the familiar pen names reviewing for my other stories...okay, _now _you can enjoy chapter 20! lol**

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Chapter 20: Tonightless--The Final Chapter**

Troy's P.O.V.

I was standing there, holding the clipboard. It was like I couldn't take in what I had just read...

"This cannot be happening!" I said to myself.

Then, I looked up at Ryan. I noticed that there aren't any machines hooked up to him...he's just lying there. I stood next to him, and put my hand on his head.

A single tear trickled down my face. I looked at my love and told myself "Okay, let's pretend that this is all _really _happening. And as I am looking at the man I love, he is dead...No, this isn't true...I'm just having a bad dream...Goddamn it, WAKE UP TROY!" I was crying and yelling at the top of my lungs. Finally, I just threw myself onto the floor beside Ryan's bed. Dr. Greene ran in and put his arm around my shoulder.

"Troy, are you okay?" he asked."Okay? Am I okay? Am I O-FUCKING-KAY! I'M GREAT, DOC...HOW ARE YOU!" I screamed at him, and I felt like punching him in the nose for asking me that question.

I stood up, and so did he. I wiped my tears and said, a little more calmly, "My boyfriend--the love of my life--just died. Should I be okay?" I asked.

"I'm sorry..." Dr. Greene replied, and he walked out of the room, his head drooping.

I climbed into bed with Ryan and held him like he held me when I was in the hospital.

"Remember this, Ry?" I asked. "Remember when I was in here, and you climbed into the bed with me and held me like this?" I ruffled my fingers in his hair while his head drooped against my shoulder.

"I even remember the room number I was in...17D" I said, and I looked up at the door...the room they put Ryan in was 17D. That made me cry even more.

I looked at Ryan's pale face. "Oh god, Ry...how could I let this happen to you? It's all my fault...I'm sorry...I'm so sorry."

For a long while, I just held my baby in my arms and cried. Finally, the doctor came back in and said that Ryan had to be taken away.

"Alright." I said. "But could you give me just one more minute?" I asked, and the doctor nodded.

I stood beside Ryan and held his hand in mine.

"God...please take care of Ryan...he's the most amazing person I've ever met, and I loved...I _love _him very much. He didn't deserve any of the pain he was given. He deserved all the happiness in the world. So, I hope you can give him all the happiness in Heaven."

I kissed Ryan's hand and set it down beside him slowly. I bent down and softly kissed his dead lips.

I just stared at him. Even though he was pale and grey, he still looked gorgeous, and I could see all the world's light shining at me through his soft skin.

"I love you." I said softly, even softer and quieter than a whisper, and I knew that somehow, Ryan heard it.

'They' took him away from me forever. As I watched them take away the only thing in the world that's ever really mattered to me, I knew that I could've cried a million oceans, but that meant that I would have to build a million bridges to cross to get to my love again...but the distance that was already between us was enough.

I kept telling myself that Ryan was not dead. "He's just gone away for a while.." I always tell myself. But, when Sharpay told me when and where the funeral was, I realized that I had to admit the truth to myself...I took a deep breath, held it in for as long as possible, let it out slowly, and said "Ryan is dead." As soon as I realized what I had just admitted, I wanted to take it back. "No, Ryan! Don't do this! Don't break my heart!"

But I knew it was too late...I couldn't take it back...and neither could Ryan...

* * *

I was on my way home from the funeral...I couldn't even believe I survived it...It seemed like one big blur. I just stood there in the crowd around his headstone, alone, in my own little world, remembering everything I could about Ryan...I was crying and smiling at the same time. I remembered our first kiss...our first time making love...I remembered e_verything._

I didn't even realize the funeral was over until people started leaving.

* * *

As I was walking home from Ryan's funeral, I felt tonightless...I felt like tonight would never come...I didn't _want_ tonight to come, because if it did, that meant that tomorrow would come, too...and I didn't want to have to face any of it.

**The End**

I hope everyone enjoyed my story! Remember, I will write more, so if you want me to post new stories, just email me, or put in the review for the last chapter that you want me to continue on the site. I'm happy, but kinda sad to see the story end...I'm sad cuz I worked so hard on it and i wish it could go on forever...but i'm happy because it ended beautifully...if i write another long story (which, i know i will) it wont have any more than 20 chapters, unless more people review! so please continue reviewing my stories! and thanks for reading "Tonightless"


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